See how nature has done it so beautifully! A coconut does not fall when it is heavy and full of water. When the water dries up, it becomes lighter and then it falls. A heavy coconut will never fall, you have to go and pluck it when it is full of water.
Just imagine if someone is just walking and a very heavy coconut falls on their head! My goodness, they will be gone!
It is only when a coconut becomes dry and light, then it falls. Nature is so intelligent!
I will tell you a story of two children.
One day, a young boy and a young girl were walking, and one of them said, 'This God is so stupid, he does not have brains! In this small wine he puts such a big pumpkin! And on this big Pipal tree he puts little fruits when it can hold the weight of these big fruits. I think the God has no brains'.
It was a very sunny day, so both of them went to take rest under the big tree. As he was resting a fruit fell on his head. That one fruit fell on him and he said, 'Wow, God does have brain. If the pumpkin had fallen on my head I would have finished!'
So here is somebody who for a minute thought that God has no brain, and a minute later realized that God is very intelligent.
Similarly with mangoes; just before a mango becomes ripe and juicy it snaps and falls on the floor. Suppose it becomes ripe and juicy and then falls then nobody can enjoy its juice. But it falls at a right time so that you can pick it up and enjoy the juice. Nature has tremendous intelligence.
Know that every test in an opportunity for you to grow. Don't take it as a test!
A test is not to know whether you are strong or not, but it for you to realize that 'Yes, I am strong'. God is not ignorant that he needs to check and see whether you have the strength or not. God already knows your capacity; nature knows your capacity. The tests are for you to realize that you are strong.
If you find that you are going through testing times, it is for you to realize that you are much bigger and you can overcome that. It is for your own knowledge.
You are not happy? You are not contented now? This very moment; right now (Gurudev snaps his finger)!
Greed takes away the contentment. It is the, 'I want more, I want more', which makes you miserable, which makes you put so much effort! You should think that whatever is needed for me, I will get it. You should have that faith, that it will come to you.
Why do you get so disturbed? It is greed which disturbs you. So, not wanting too much of anything; balance!
Happiness and contentment comes, the only thing you have to ensure is 1. You are not lazy. If you are lazy and you say, 'Let happiness come to me', it is not going to come to you. Lazy people will not be happy
2. Don't be selfish. If you are selfish, happiness is not going to come to you. If you only say, 'Me, mine, only me', you are not going to be happy. Selfish people will not be happy
3. Don't be greedy. A greedy one will not be happy. If you are greedy and say, 'I want more and more and more', you will not be happy
4. People with the feeling of revenge will not be happy. If you want to take revenge on anybody, then you cannot be happy
You know, with that type of healers, the healing does not work. It may appear to work for a little while but really it does not.
If anyone wants to become a healer, I say yes go ahead, but don’t make it your profession, don’t make it your livelihood. If they give something, take it, never mind.
In Vedic times men and women were equal. There were women priests, women saints and all that. But later on, in the middle ages, when the Arab influence fell on India, at that time, slowly women’s powers were taken away, because India was ruled by the Arabs for about one thousand years. This is talking of the Mughal time.
There were some exceptions, like Kerala. Kerala and Tirpura was never under Mughal rule. There matriarchal society continued.
In Kerala, all the wealth goes to the girls. The mother is the head of the family. The husband lives in the wife’s house after marriage and not the other way round.
In Tripura also it is the same with the tribal. All the property, etc., goes from girls to girls.
Yes, I have many dimensions. We are all in many places, but let us make use of this place properly, that is good enough.
That is a big test.
Do you know why your spouse opposes your path? Let us analyze this! Let's think about this.
1. Maybe your spouse is very attached to you and wants all your attention, and when your attention is elsewhere, they don’t like it. So if you praise anything, whether it is a course, or a person, they get upset.
The psychology is what? 'I want my spouse all to myself. She or he must praise me all the time'. If you like something, or praise something, they take a stand so that they cut you out from that and you give all your attention back to them. So, don’t go on praising something beyond a certain limit.
Is this correct? How many of you say this is correct? That is a general psychology.
2. Maybe it is out of insecurity.
Sometimes, if you like something so much, your spouse starts thinking that you may leave the house and go away. This insecurity bugs your spouse, and so they oppose the path.
3. Could be an ego issue.
Your spouse does not like being told what they should be doing. They may take it from their friend, but they would not like to take it when it comes from you.
If their close friend tells them, 'Hey, there is a course on mediation which is very nice, why don't you come with me!'
They will say, 'Okay, I will come with you'.
But when you say the same thing, they would like to say no because saying no makes them feel more powerful.
They feel, 'I can do what I want, and I don't have to do what my spouse is telling me to do'.
So it could be a power game, to show one-upmanship they refuse to walk on the path.
4. Money could be the fourth reason.
When the mind is into something, then money is not a problem, one would spend double the money. So it is not mainly the money, but it appears to be time and money. It is just the mind.
5. (From the audience): Could be jealousy of the spouse’s happiness!
Yes, it is strange but true! Jealousy of the spouse’s happiness; can’t see the wife or the husband being happy.
Generally, a spouse does everything to make the other happy. A husband works to make his wife happy. A wife does all the house work to make the husband happy. Yet if one of them is happy, it makes the other uncomfortable, because if someone is happy you cannot control them.
Whom can you control? One who is unhappy; then you have some control.
It is a subtle psychological thing.
When someone is happy they are also free. They find some sort of freedom inside and this is what some people cannot digest. They think freedom means the other is moving away from them and not involving them.
Isn’t it strange? Why they don’t want to see the husband or the wife happy is because happiness implies freedom, and they cannot tolerate freedom. They feel they are losing control.
6. (From the audience): Low self-esteem.
Yes! The spouse feels low self-esteem, that is why they want to control the other.
So what you need to do is, in very measured way, you should tell your spouse when they are in a good mood, 'You know, I want a gift from you. I want you also to come with me and do a course. Let us both do it together?'
In ancient Vedic times, they would always say that if you are married both of you must come. In any spiritual practice, a single person (of a couple) was not even allowed because it would cause an imbalance; one would grow while the other would not grown. When both husband and wife have come, they both grow together.
Otherwise, if one is fulfilled and the other is not fulfilled, there will be conflict in marital life. So they made it a rule, that both of should come.
I usually say, if you partner tells you, 'Don't do meditation', then don't mediate for few days and be very nasty (laughter). Then they will realize that when you meditate you are nice, and when you don’t meditate, you are nasty (laughter).
They will tell you, 'Oh, please go and meditate now'. That is a secret clue (laughter).
You know, a parent cannot influence their teenagers, but they can influence the friends of their children. So, before you become a good mother or a good father, you have to become a good uncle or aunt.
The friends of your children will have more respect for you, and will listen to you. So tell your daughter or your son to bring all their friends home, and then you talk to them separately. You can influence them, and through them you can influence your children.
It is like, if there is a mango tree in the garden and you want a mango, you will throw a stone at the branch so that the mango falls, but you will not hit the mango directly.
That is the indirect way in which you have to deal with your teenagers. Got it?