Blame is what you call the criticism which you cannot accept
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
If someone constantly keeps blaming you, then you do not care about it. It happens so often when mothers always blame their children that the children stop caring about what their mother is saying. This is because they know she will continue the same behaviour every day, right? The trouble happens when someone who never complains suddenly complains. When someone who is never rude suddenly becomes rude, that bothers you more, isn’t it? Either you are externalising the problem, or you lack the skill to deal with what is happening. These are the only two aspects of it. So skilfully handle these situations and do not eternalize them. Everybody has a right to be a little imperfect. You should accept others’ imperfections and your own imperfections as well. When you do not accept peoples’ imperfections, you get angry. And when you do not accept your own imperfections you feel guilty and then you become angry at yourself. Both situations are not healthy and congenial for you. So, you need to keep a little space in life for imperfections, and just move on. Do not get stuck in the past.
5 Tips to get past the blame
When you get angry or blame somebody, you feel a heavy load on your head. You feel uncomfortable inside, and you spread unpleasant feelings all around you too. Blaming does not give you anything positive in return. Instead, owning responsibility for all your experiences in life makes you powerful.
Here are five tips to walk yourself out of the tendency to blame and move towards higher levels of awareness and a more positive way of life.
- Blaming is not going to give you anything positive in return. What is the use of blame? See, you blame someone and if that person is really a culprit, for the first time it will provoke him or her, but if you keep blaming, he becomes numb to it; he doesn’t care. Suppose someone is a real thief, and you keep telling him, ‘You are a thief’, you are wasting your time blaming him, because every time you say it, it doesn’t matter to him. It doesn’t touch him at all. So, a true culprit doesn’t get affected by your blaming him or her. Instead of blaming them, take this opportunity as an exercise for you to maintain your equanimity and your inner balance. If everything is okay, if everybody is praising you and you say that I am a very balanced person, it doesn’t mean much.
- Before blaming someone, analyse your purpose of blaming. You want to correct the person, is that why you blame them? Or are you blaming because you want to vent out your emotions? What is your attitude? Why do you want to do it? If you are just venting out your emotions then that is reflected on your own immaturity and lack of control over your own mind, that’s all. So, analyse your purpose of blaming someone before putting the blame on them.
- Blame reflects a lack of communication If you intend to correct a person, you cannot correct them by blaming them. You can only correct them with love, compassion and communication. Blame means no communication. If someone is a real culprit and you want to correct them, you can only do it through communication. And if he or she is not a real culprit, then your whole exercise is futile.
- Switch from blame to constructive criticism. Blaming is out of anger, jealousy, hatred and does not work. It does not yield any results. Instead, give constructive criticism with compassion. Criticism should go with compassion and care, and then it works.
- Above all, be patient. If you have patience then you can turn any situation, event or place into heaven. If you lack patience, you will make heaven into hell. It’s impatience that destroys situations and the environment. Learn to accept other people’s points of view, and above all, be patient, as no endeavour will be successful without patience.
Summary
In conclusion, the art of dealing with blame lies in recognizing its futility. Instead of falling into the trap of blaming others, you can become more aware of your own intentions and state of mind. You can only correct people with love, compassion and communication. Above all, be patient. If you have patience then you can turn any situation, event or place into heaven.
