Be Compassionate with Unhappy People

Patanjali Yoga Sutras - Knowledge Sheet 29

Continues from previous Patanjali yoga sutra post on dealing with happy people.

Now, what about unhappy people? If you are friendly with unhappy people, what happens? You also become unhappy. So he says do not be friendly with unhappy people, but be compassionate with them. The second bhāva he has given is Karuna.
People who are suffering, have sympathy, compassion for them but do not hook on to friendliness because it drags you down also to be unhappy. You are unhappy and they are unhappy. You will be of no use in helping them out. Do you see what I am saying? If you think you have to share your friend's unhappiness with them then share it. Then, will you be able to share your happiness with them? Not possible. So with unhappy people, do not be friendly with them, but be compassionate to them.

Difference between compassion & pity

There is a difference there. Do you get this point? Karuna – compassion: be compassionate to them. Do not say, "Oh poor thing, it should not have happened to you." You know, we do not know how to be with people who are suffering. We go and make their beliefs more strong saying that God is so unjust. "Nature is so unkind to you. Why are you suffering? You poor thing!" We push them even further down, down the drain. Instead of pulling them out of the drain, we push them down. We do this unconsciously because we think that they are our great friends.

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No. People, who are suffering, do not pity them. See there is a difference between compassion and pity. In pitying, you are not pulling them up. You are putting them down even more and most people do this. They make the belief of the person (who is suffering) more concrete (about their sorrow) in whatever limited logic of their relative existence. Are you getting what I am saying? "Oh great injustice has been done to me." They are miserable and are on a self-pity trip and you go and say, "Oh you poor thing! You are so miserable. This should not have happened to you." So the person thinks, "Yes, see I am suffering." You do not help them in any way to wake up to the Truth. This is nothing. Many people are suffering even more. Do you see that? I am not telling you to go and tell them, "What you are suffering is nothing. Many people are suffering even more." You will kindle anger in them. Have compassion for people who are suffering and not friendliness.

Next week: How to deal with people who are engaged in good or meritorious jobs.

Leave a comment below and share how you have applied this knowledge in your life.

<< Four types of people How to deal with people who are engaged in good or meritorious acts? >>

(This is part of a series of knowledge sheets based on Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's commentaries on Patanjali Yoga Sutras.)

Comments

Every one carves out his own

Every one carves out his own destiny and so there is none that deserves your pity or envy! Nonetheless Guruji here shows the right way of dealing with people who are happy and those who are unhappy. This is not for their benefit of others only but also of our own self!

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 2 Aug 2012 - 12:54pm. |

Talk is cheap. Your friend

Talk is cheap. Your friend deserves better. Guruji says clearly NOT to tell " What you are suffering is nothing. Many people are suffering even more.” This is exactly what you did. If you use your heart, you will know what your friend needs to deal with his situation.

Submitted by Raju (not verified) on 1 Aug 2012 - 12:15pm. |

I always have this question

I always have this question in my mind! Im always happy as im into regular meditation.. bt i want to make other peole happy Once Gurudev said that 'he who can feel sorrow by seeing others sorrow or can become happy by others happiness, then nothing can destroy him' or something of that sort.. and now this post says that do not be unhappy when others are unhappy.. so now im confused! Totally! And I haven't even understood the meaning of 'compassion' here..

Submitted by srishti (not verified) on 1 Aug 2012 - 11:57am. |

I understand that neither

I understand that neither should I pity unhappy people nor should I make them realise that their problems are small compared to others and that I should be compassionate towards them. But I would like to know how to show compassion towards them?

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 1 Aug 2012 - 11:52am. |

If you could not speak, or

If you could not speak, or the unhappy person could not hear, what would you do? - 'Act' with compassion, be in their presence with compassion, right?

Submitted by Jyo Aadarsh (not verified) on 9 Aug 2012 - 8:11am. |

If folks at home are unhappy,

If folks at home are unhappy, they need your "prime" attention. Give them hugs/blessings/a shoulder massage/etc. and let them know you are available to help in anyway possible - do this with your actions and not necessarily with your words.

Submitted by Raju (not verified) on 1 Aug 2012 - 11:48am. |

What is there to be unhappy?

What is there to be unhappy? Every thing is to be accepted. It is all the mind's game. World is mithya; we have to accept life as it is.

Submitted by K.S.N.MURTY (not verified) on 1 Aug 2012 - 11:35am. |

This has been an amazing

This has been an amazing journey of knowledge so far on Patanjali yoga sutra....it is very intriguing and wanting to know more. It is an amazing way to control and fine tune your mind to ones benefit. It is indeed gems entwined in golden thread. It takes time to tune this knowledge to the subtle mind and it is so enriching!!

Submitted by Jaishree (not verified) on 1 Aug 2012 - 11:32am. |

Some really interesting

Some really interesting points you have written. Aided me a lot, just what I was looking for : D.

Submitted by Shane K Richardson (not verified) on 30 Jul 2012 - 4:28am. |

Use your heart and it will

Use your heart and it will tell you how. What do you do when a kid pees in their pants/shorts. Your heart tells you certain things. Assuming you have compassion in your heart, follow your instincts. Leave the head alone for a while. Folks are usually unhappy mostly due to ignorance. Without losing the "human" touch get the pill of knowledge into them, if possible. If you least worry about "I" and only think of "them", purely with the intention of being an instrument/servant of the Divine in rendering help, compassion finds a way of manifesting itself. :)

Submitted by Raju (not verified) on 1 Aug 2012 - 12:13pm. |