Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Listen, when two people are living together, there will definitely be arguments. However compatible, no two people can think the same things all the time. There will be difference of opinions. If both have sweet talks all the time, both will land up having diabetes (laughter). Sometimes, misunderstandings do crop it and it should come.
When one gets upset the other should be quiet; take turns to get upset. If both get upset at the same time, it is a problem. And if you compete by saying, 'You got upset, now I will get more upset than you', then there is a bigger problem. If one is getting annoyed, the other keeps quiet. The other can take their turn the next time. If you want, you can give back twice as much, but not at the same time and the same place. To one bad day, you can add another bad day, but don’t make the days so horrible that you can’t continue anymore. One should take turns in getting annoyed or upset. This should be the basic ground rule. If someone is upset, support them.
Now, domestic violence happens because of anger, and alcohol. It happens many times that there is no argument, but a person comes back home drunk and hits the spouse. If someone is drunk, they don’t know what they are doing. This is a big problem all over the world, especially in developing countries. Men come home drunk and beat their wives. Next day they say, 'Oh, please forgive me, it’s not me, it’s the drink'. This is no good.
Marriage is give and take, or compromise. You cannot say, 'I want it this way only', no! You have to let go of your wishes and desires and listen to what the other person wants. You have to compromise somewhere in between. If there is no compromise, then there are arguments. When there are arguments, then the fight happens.
Stress is another cause of domestic violence. If people are stressed, sometime or the other, it is going to erupt. So people should know how to get rid of stress.
Then, everyone should have some purpose or goal in life. If both husband and wife, direct their energy into something useful or bigger, they will not police each other, or sit on each other’s head and blame each other. They won’t go on bickering about each other’s mistakes. So if they have a bigger goal in life and are busy doing that work, then things go smoothly.
When two lines run parallel with a goal in front, they are together all through like the railway tracks. But if they are just focused on each other, then they cross at some intersection. So it is important that two people living together should not bore each other so much that both want to run away from each other.
To keep the relationship alive and charming, spirituality and knowledge is a must. Big heartedness is a must, a greater vision is a must and leave space for each other. Then domestic violence will not happen.