25 May 2012 - QA7

Gurudev, you have often spoken about the role of the husband and wife to have a successful married life. Today please tell us about the role of in-laws in having a happy married life.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: See, your mother and your father have scolded you so many times, isn’t it? When your mother scolds you, you easily accept it. But if the same thing is said by your mother-in-law, then it hurts and disturbs you, like as if something is stuck in your throat.
In fact, a mother-in-law or father-in-law will hesitate a little before they say something to you. They will not scold you as much as your parents, they scold you much less. The authority with which they scold their own children is not the same with their daughter-in-law or son-in-law.
And when one exercise and acts with a feeling of authority over the other person then sometimes they will scold or say some unpleasant things. But it hurts you more because you don’t think of them as your own, you think of them as strangers. If you think of your mother-in-law as your mother, then you will go and hug her ever after an argument. But if you think of them as strangers, then after a fight you will expect them to make the effort to come and hug you, or apologize to you.
In fact, if your mother-in-law or father-in-law scolds you, it is a good thing! You have to understand it like this. It means they do not see any difference between you and their own children.
Have you never fought with your mother? Just make a comparison once. See these two sides once!
You have fought with your mother so many times. Many times she also has scolded you. But did that ever hurt you in your heart? No, it does not hurt even a little bit. You just shrug it off.
You fight with your mother today and the very same day you will go patch up and sit and talk with her as if nothing happened. So do the same thing with your mother-in-law! After a fight, go and sit with her and talk in the same way you would do with your mother. And don’t take it to heart at all.
Slowly they too will change their ways towards you. They too undergo a change of heart.
With Love you can win over anyone and everyone. With a sankalpa you can win over them. If both love and sankalpa (commitment) fail, then just pray, with grace you will surely overcome it.