Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
What is Love? - 12 July 2012 - QA 3
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
The basis of all existence. All the cells in your body love each other, that is why they are together. The day they stop loving each other, it all disintegrates. Got it?
If there is one substances by which everything is held together and you want to give it a name, you can call it love. It is the basis of all existence. All the cells in your body love each other, that is why they are together. The day they stop loving each other, it all disintegrates.
Love is not all wiggly wiggly and mushy mushy, "Oh I can’t live without you, I love you so much", and so on. It is not that. That is just an emotional something. Love means (silence)… that is it.
Love is indescribable. You can’t describe it. And there is not a creature on this planet who doesn’t know it. From the insect to the lion, from a chicken to an enlightened person, everybody has experienced love. Love for life is what we think it is, but life itself is love. So see, through this knowledge, that the whole universe is love.
Love is not just an emotion, it is your very existence. The earth loves the sun, that is why it keeps going around the sun. The moon loves the earth, that is why the moon goes around the earth. Wherever there is a force, or there is energy, or a pull, or attraction, you call it love. And where there is repulsion that is also love in the opposite direction.
Why are you are drawn to somebody or something? It is because you love them. You see a cheesecake and you are drawn to it; you experience a pull, isn't it? You see a beautiful girl, or a girl sees a beautiful boy, there is a pull, and what do you call that? You call it love! Why? Because there is a pull, there is an attraction, there is a force. And that force is what manages the whole universe
Some places it is more obvious and some other places it is not obvious. The day the earth stops loving you, you will start flying. The earth loves you so much that the gravitational force keeps you glued to the earth. So love is that force in human life.
All the negative emotions are just a distorted form of love. In anger there is love. Ask me how? You love perfection and that is why you get angry. Greed is love. Greed is when you love something much more than life. When you love objects more than life, it is called greed. Hatred is love upside down. Fear is love upside down.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You have already come out of it! When you want to come out of it, it is already done, isn't it? The main thing is to relate yourself to the divinity. If you have a relationship with the divine, you have a relationship with everyone. Then the question of establishing or breaking a relationship with anyone does not arise. In attempting to break also, one may get stuck badly. The more the mind tries to break away the more it gets pulled towards the relationship, and experiences pain. You neither want to stay nor leave. In leaving one feels as though some comfort is being lost, and in staying, the pain gets too intense and it is hard to stay on. So it is better to secure a relationship with the divine. This way, relationships with everyone else are automatically established.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Best not to try to build a relationship, just be yourself; be natural and be simple and a relationship will develop naturally.If you try to build a relationship, that is when you become a little artificial. Then your behavior becomes artificial, not natural. Just imagine someone is trying to impress you, don’t you notice that? If someone is trying to impress you, what do you do? You move away. What you like, that is what others like as well. You like someone to be very honest, open, natural, unassuming with you, correct? That is exactly what the other also wants from you. Don’t try hard to impress your girlfriend or boyfriend. Best is to be yourself, be forgiving and be in the present moment.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Look, you have made this relationship, so now give your 100% and see. Otherwise you will only keep dreaming. If a husband thinks that 'I did not get the kind of wife I wanted', and the wife thinks that 'I didn’t get the kind of husband I wanted', then both are going in different directions. This one relationship alone is not life; besides this there is so much to do in this world. So settle this one issue completely and move on. You should think what I can do for this world, what I can do for the people around me, how much knowledge can I attain, and how much love can I give to others, instead of getting stuck from one relationship to another. You didn’t like one relationship so you went to the second one, then third one. There is no point in being a rolling stone. There is nothing called a perfect match. Whatever match you have gotten, you should be happy and move on with it. One area of your life is settled, so now move forward. No point of jumping from one relationship to another. An elderly lady is Canada once said to me, "Gurudev, you know that my husband is a very tough man and I have to manage him. I thought I would leave, but then I thought, if I don’t know how to row one boat then I cannot row the other boat as well. So, if you don’t know how to row one boat, changing the boat is not going to help you.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You should ask yourself, “Have you put your 100% to make the marriage work? Have you done all that you could to please your spouse and make them happy, and still it has not worked?” Marriage means sacrifice. Sacrificing your desires for the good of the other and for the sake of the whole family. If you only keep thinking about your own wants then no marriage will work. You should see what “we” want. How “we” can progress and bring happiness to the family. Only if you keep your attention on that, will the marriage be successful. So if you have done your 100% and still it doesn’t work, and you find that you are totally incompatible, then instead of being in hell and both suffering, with a good understanding you say, "We cannot get along so you walk your way and I walk my way. Let’s be friends and be happy". So, one must part with this understanding. There is no point in living in a furnace all day and all night. But not like this gentleman who said that they had been married for forty years and suddenly after forty years, they realized that they we were never compatible. He is already seventy years old, and has been married for forty years and now he says, "We were never compatible.” Never mind, bear it for another five to ten years. Anyway, they say marriages are made in heaven, so when you go up there, you can resolve it.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
If someone tells you, "I will take you to a movie tomorrow", and you wait for them at the movie theater and they don't show up, how would you feel. Just put yourself in the receiver’s chair, and then you will see how important it is to be committed. A commitment can only be felt when it oversteps convenience. That which is convenient is not commitment. Often, what is convenient does not bring comfort, but gives an illusion of comfort. Also if you are too stuck in commitment, and it is very inconvenient, you are be unable to fulfill your commitment and will feel frustrated. Wisdom is to strike a balance between convenience and commitment.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You will know this better. See what mistakes you are making. Do you have acceptance? Do you serve a person? Why would someone not like to be with you if you are a fountain of joy and enthusiasm? Why would someone not like to be with you if you are full of love and service, if you are hollow and empty, if you are in wisdom and knowledge? Everyone will want to spend time with you. So keep yourself soaked in wisdom day and night.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Expand your vision about yourself, about life and about this universe. This universe has been there for at least 19 billion years, and it is part of billions of galaxies. One amongst the billion galaxies is our Milky Way. So the Milky Way is actually very small. In the Milky Way, we have our solar system, which is the size of a dot in the Milk Way, and in that, there is our planet Earth, and in that there is you! One would have to take a lens to see you, and by the time they get to see you, you’re already gone (referring to the magnanimity of the universe in comparison with our existence). What is your life in comparison to the creation? In this multi-verse, planet Earth is so insignificant, and you are even more insignificant. Another factor is time. In so many billions of years, billions of people have walked this planet. There are seven billion people on this planet today, and many are being born every day and many are dying. Then what is your life? It’s like a blink of the eye, and you’re already gone! When you see your life from this bigger context, you realize that this is all nothing! You live for 80 years on this planet called Earth. Out of that, 35 years you spend sleeping, 10 years you spend in the bathroom, 10 years you spend eating, 25 years you spend working. The waking period in your life is so small. In that little time what is the point of saying, ‘Me, me, me?’ It is nothing! When you see life from a bigger context all the worries disappear and a new dimension opens up.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
If there is wisdom in relationships, it does not take away freedom. If there is no wisdom, then there is no freedom. It is not the relationship that gives or takes away your freedom, it is lack of wisdom.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
I think you have too much free time. If you are busy and you work hard, then you will get so tired that you will be waiting to hit the pillow. The moment you hit the pillow you will fall asleep. You either have too much free time or you are eating too much food; then obsessions and addictions come up. Too much food and sex are related. So, keep a watch on your food, keep a watch on your company and keep yourself very busy, especially at the age when the hormones play havoc. If you follow the language of moderation then you will be all right. When you have a goal, or something to achieve, then you do not think about sex. Just ask any student, during exam time are they bombarded with thoughts of sex? They’ll say no. For that whole month when they have to achieve something, their mind is fully focused on it. They have a bundle of books to read and to prepare. So engaging yourself in some creative activity is helpful. Pleasure always makes you run towards it first, and then later on makes you run away from it. This is its nature. First you crave for it and you go towards it, and then later on you go away from it because it becomes too much to handle. Yoga is that which makes you centered, it stabilizes you. When you are stable and centered, if pleasure is there, you enjoy it, if it’s not there, you don’t mind it. It does not occupy your mind. It’s not a craving that bothers you.