Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

When you love someone you don't see anything wrong with them. Even if you see some fault in them, you justify the fault and say, "Well, everyone does it! It is normal". Then you think you have not done enough for them. The more you do, the more you want to do for them. And they are always on your mind. You want to see them happy, you want them to have the best, and you get hurt even over small things. Ordinary things become extraordinary when you are in love.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Just wait, don’t react, the bitterness will turn back into love again. You often see that the people for whom you have done so much turn bitter, and you cannot handle it. This is because you expect everyone to be in an enlightened state, and that is not possible. Everyone is not just going to be as accepting as you are, or be in an unconditionally giving and loving space. That is not possible. You will have to face reactions, and you should face it, that is all.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Well, first of all, don’t label them as a cheating spouse, know they are your spouse. If they have cheated in the past, they have done it out of some temptation, some ignorance, or some situation you don’t know what. But, with your love and compassion, with your love and support you can change them, and make them become more sincere. If there is ever a competition between truth and love, it is love that will win. Truth will fail. Why does someone lie to you? It is because they feel that by telling the truth they may lose your love. A husband tells lies to his wife because he doesn’t want to lose the love of his wife. So love is more important than truth and that is why lies come. If you give your spouse the assurance that no matter what the thing is, if they tell the truth, your love will never go down or you will not stop loving them, then they will never lie to you. They will come and confess every mistake and everything they do to you. In ancient days this is what they used to do, because divorce was a remote possibility. People never used to divorce each other, so husbands would come and confess to the wives all the mistakes they made. The thinking was – “anyways she is not going to leave, she is going to be with him, so might as well tell her everything and keep my mind clear and feel free”. This is what people used to do if at all they committed any mistakes, or any adultery. The main issue is -- do you have that power, that love to transform him or her? Do you have that patience to accommodate them, understand where they come from instead of just accusing them, pointing a finger at them, look you have cheated? If someone is cheating why are they doing that? Like a mother, if your son or daughter is making a mistake, don’t you go into the root of it, "What made my son do this?” You don’t just accuse them and push them out, you go into the reason, the cause of why your child is doing that. You have to treat your spouse also like a child. Here in the west, mothering means showing authority, but mothering is a very positive term in the east. Mothering means not only as a companion but also a protector, one who takes care in all ways.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

From whomever you receive love, just know that it from the divine. You are getting love from the one supreme energy. All your affection is also is toward that one energy only, and you are simply receiving its love through this person or that person. Know this and relax! Whether a person is true or false, right or wrong, don’t fall into these traps of the mind. If you get sunlight through the window, know that the light is coming from the sun. It is not the light of the window. Understand this much and relax.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

At times of conflict you don’t see eye to eye with each other, this happens. Have patience. When it becomes absolutely impossible you will not even ask a question. The fact that you’re asking whether you should continue or not indicates that you should continue. It means you can still expand and accommodate.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

I can tell you one thing, suppose you were in your partner’s place and you made a mistake unknowingly, or due to some compulsion, and your partner does not forgive you and holds it against you, how would you feel? Get into your partner's shoes and see. If you were the person who made that mistake, and your partner is not forgiving you, would you feel okay, or would you beg your partner to give you one more chance? This is good enough for you to take the cue. Nobody wants to cheat anyone. It is a temptation or a craving for something more that drives a person to do unethical things. Your soul does not stop until it finds itself, until it finds the ocean of joy. Until then, it keeps going for something more, thinking, "I may get something here". This is what drives a person.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Do you love others unconditionally? Ask yourself this! Do not judge other people’s love for you. Suppose you find that someone’s love for you is conditional, don’t ask them, “Do you really love me? How much do you love me? Will you continue to love me all your life?” Don’t ask these silly questions. Take it for granted that the other person loves you. If you find that their love is a little less, ask them, “Why do you love me so much?” instead of saying "You don’t love me". Demand destroys love, so you should not demand love. Whether it is father-son, mother-daughter, husband-wife, wherever the demand comes, love starts reducing. So from your side, you be unconditional to your partner or your parents and say, “I am here for you. What is it that you want, I am here”.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Marriage is a commitment to share one's life and care for another. It helps one to come out of self-centeredness. In a marriage, you cannot always think about only yourself. After being married you have to also think about your spouse. If you want to go on a vacation, you cannot just wander around, you have to consult your better half, and all decisions need to be taken in consultation with one another. Marriage is a very sacred institution where you tell your partner, "All my desires I give to you and I take all your desires". So each one has the responsibility to fulfill the other's desires and not their own. Growing in marriage is growing in responsibility, and love and responsibility go together. Marriage is also that institution of commitment to serve the society together. If you are married only to serve yourself, then you start demanding from each other, and demand destroys love. If you both have a goal to serve society, to make a difference in the world, then it is like two parallel lines that can move together till infinity. Then, there is satisfaction; life finds a fulfillment.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

When someone is cheating on you and their mind is going towards someone else, what do you do? Just pray, have patience and understand their mind. Give them three warnings, and even then if they don’t listen, then take some drastic steps.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

If you express your feelings, you will ruin it. You don't need to tell somebody that you love them. If they are sensitive, they can feel it. Once you tell them your feelings, it changes everything. Your existence is love. You breathe and there is love. Real intimacy is knowing that you are already intimate and relaxing about it, never trying to convince the other that you are intimate, never trying to express yourself too much. So simply smile, and allow them to become intimate by themselves. It’s natural when you feel intimate that you want a response from the other person, you would like the other person to feel intimate too. Let them take their time. Don't be in a hurry to express your intimacy.