Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

If you express your feelings, you will ruin it. You don't need to tell somebody that you love them. If they are sensitive, they can feel it. Once you tell them your feelings, it changes everything. Your existence is love. You breathe and there is love. Real intimacy is knowing that you are already intimate and relaxing about it, never trying to convince the other that you are intimate, never trying to express yourself too much. So simply smile, and allow them to become intimate by themselves. It’s natural when you feel intimate that you want a response from the other person, you would like the other person to feel intimate too. Let them take their time. Don't be in a hurry to express your intimacy.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

See, there are different ways of saying and expressing love. Just find a way that suits you and say it. If you cannot say it in words, then express it by making some hand gestures. Or you can write it and give it to her. You can send her a text message. Nowadays you do not even have to write complete words in the text message. Just sending those emoticons does the job! So just send those to her, one in the morning, one in the afternoon and one in the evening. See, it is our duty to try and keep everyone happy. Whether they choose to be happy or not is up to them. Some people will not believe it, even if you express. After receiving your text they might ask, "Do you really mean what you sent?" The mind is really very mysterious. Love is said to be Anirvachaniya (that which is beyond words, or cannot be expressed completely through words). You go ahead and do it!

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

I would say, ask yourself, have you given your 100% to the relationship. If you feel that you haven’t, then give it another try. And not just for one or two months, give it enough time, and give enough space for the other person to grow to your level, or for you to grow to their level. If it doesn’t work and if it is still only a struggle with no hope of some pleasure or some joy, it is better you go your way and still be friends, rather than making things very sour. Don’t waste your life; move on! There are so many things to do in life besides a relationship, so don’t get stuck.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Time will tell. Always know that there is a sense of sacrifice in love, while attachment only brings misery. In the name of love, if you fall into an infatuation or attachment, then you will only get misery. But in true love, even sacrifice brings contentment. Love brings sacrifice and contentment, while attachment and feverishness can only bring misery.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Look, you have made this relationship, so now give your 100% and see. Otherwise you will only keep dreaming. If a husband thinks that 'I did not get the kind of wife I wanted', and the wife thinks that 'I didn’t get the kind of husband I wanted', then both are going in different directions. This one relationship alone is not life; besides this there is so much to do in this world. So settle this one issue completely and move on. You should think what I can do for this world, what I can do for the people around me, how much knowledge can I attain, and how much love can I give to others, instead of getting stuck from one relationship to another. You didn’t like one relationship so you went to the second one, then third one. There is no point in being a rolling stone. There is nothing called a perfect match. Whatever match you have gotten, you should be happy and move on with it. One area of your life is settled, so now move forward. No point of jumping from one relationship to another. An elderly lady is Canada once said to me, "Gurudev, you know that my husband is a very tough man and I have to manage him. I thought I would leave, but then I thought, if I don’t know how to row one boat then I cannot row the other boat as well. So, if you don’t know how to row one boat, changing the boat is not going to help you.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

You have already come out of it! When you want to come out of it, it is already done, isn't it? The main thing is to relate yourself to the divinity. If you have a relationship with the divine, you have a relationship with everyone. Then the question of establishing or breaking a relationship with anyone does not arise. In attempting to break also, one may get stuck badly. The more the mind tries to break away the more it gets pulled towards the relationship, and experiences pain. You neither want to stay nor leave. In leaving one feels as though some comfort is being lost, and in staying, the pain gets too intense and it is hard to stay on. So it is better to secure a relationship with the divine. This way, relationships with everyone else are automatically established.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Best not to try to build a relationship, just be yourself; be natural and be simple and a relationship will develop naturally.If you try to build a relationship, that is when you become a little artificial. Then your behavior becomes artificial, not natural. Just imagine someone is trying to impress you, don’t you notice that? If someone is trying to impress you, what do you do? You move away. What you like, that is what others like as well. You like someone to be very honest, open, natural, unassuming with you, correct? That is exactly what the other also wants from you. Don’t try hard to impress your girlfriend or boyfriend. Best is to be yourself, be forgiving and be in the present moment.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

You will know this better. See what mistakes you are making. Do you have acceptance? Do you serve a person? Why would someone not like to be with you if you are a fountain of joy and enthusiasm? Why would someone not like to be with you if you are full of love and service, if you are hollow and empty, if you are in wisdom and knowledge? Everyone will want to spend time with you. So keep yourself soaked in wisdom day and night.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

You should ask yourself, “Have you put your 100% to make the marriage work? Have you done all that you could to please your spouse and make them happy, and still it has not worked?” Marriage means sacrifice. Sacrificing your desires for the good of the other and for the sake of the whole family. If you only keep thinking about your own wants then no marriage will work. You should see what “we” want. How “we” can progress and bring happiness to the family. Only if you keep your attention on that, will the marriage be successful. So if you have done your 100% and still it doesn’t work, and you find that you are totally incompatible, then instead of being in hell and both suffering, with a good understanding you say, "We cannot get along so you walk your way and I walk my way. Let’s be friends and be happy". So, one must part with this understanding. There is no point in living in a furnace all day and all night. But not like this gentleman who said that they had been married for forty years and suddenly after forty years, they realized that they we were never compatible. He is already seventy years old, and has been married for forty years and now he says, "We were never compatible.” Never mind, bear it for another five to ten years. Anyway, they say marriages are made in heaven, so when you go up there, you can resolve it.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

If someone tells you, "I will take you to a movie tomorrow", and you wait for them at the movie theater and they don't show up, how would you feel. Just put yourself in the receiver’s chair, and then you will see how important it is to be committed. A commitment can only be felt when it oversteps convenience. That which is convenient is not commitment. Often, what is convenient does not bring comfort, but gives an illusion of comfort. Also if you are too stuck in commitment, and it is very inconvenient, you are be unable to fulfill your commitment and will feel frustrated. Wisdom is to strike a balance between convenience and commitment.