When you are miserable, what has happened is that you have gone away from the Self. This is called Ashaucha. It means you have become unclean. In India when someone dies, the close relatives are said to be Ashaucha for 10 days because they are very sad. They are impure because they have moved away from the self. After 10 days of just being with that experience and reading the Gita, being with the Knowledge and pulling themselves back into the Self, then it is called Shaucha. They have purged out the impurities that have come during events.
This keeps happening again and again in dealings in life. You become Ashaucha and you have to get back to Shaucha. Go deeper in to yourself, then real Shaucha happens.
Shaucha's benefits are clarity in the intellect, a pleasing mind, focused awareness in the mind, a say over the senses, and therefore eligibility to realize the Self.
Shaucha is disinterestedness in the tendencies of one's own senses and non-association with other people. If a tendency in your body arises just have the understanding, "Oh yes, here is this old familiar tendency coming up again. Come on, you have had this experience enough, and still the body is craving for it again." Disinterestedness in one's own body -- just an idea, a sort of distaste, and in one moment it changes.
Why do people love each other so much, have such an intimate relationship, and then fight? Ashaucha has happened. If you don't get distaste for the tendency of the senses then distaste for the object of the senses will come and you will blame the object.
When Ashaucha happens then come back to Shaucha quickly. Suppose you get drowned in any worldly aspect, just know this is Ashaucha . . . "That is why I am suffering misery." Then come back to Shaucha.
Your attraction or craving is only as long as you think someone is "other." When you think they are part of you or your Self, then the attraction dies out. That is why a husband or wife is not attracted to the partner but to someone else because the partner has already become a part of them.
When you realize everyone is part of your Self, you enjoy the whole world without a sense of craving.