Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Why do you want to learn? Why do you want to take all the trouble? Hold on to your grudge, and when you cannot then you have already forgiven (the person).
It’s not easy to hold on to a grudge against somebody. If you are wise you’d say, 'I am tired of this grudgeful feeling'. The moment the grudge falls, you have already forgiven.
Forgiving is not an active engagement, ‘Oh, I forgive you from now’. If it is an action of that sort, then that forgiveness has only boosted the ego. Forgiveness happens as a result of being unable to hold on to the grudge, to bear the pain of hatred, and to sustain that anger.
You’re angry with somebody, but at some point you say, ‘Let me give up. I don’t care.’ Then you have forgiven them.
How long can you hold on to a grudge? It wears you down. You feel so tired, exhausted, and sick. At some point you say, 'I don’t want to be sick anymore', then you have automatically forgiven.
That forgiveness is the one without ego. You don’t even know that you’re forgiving. You say, ‘Never mind, let’s move on’.
When you think, ‘I have forgiven you today consciously’, you have not forgiven! Still you are holding on to something and you expect them to behave in a certain manner. It is very subtle.