1 July 2012 - QA 9

I have been with my husband for seven years. For the last two years I have been having problems with his family. I hate his father. I try to avoid his family so that we have no problems, but his father has the ability to push my buttons. Sometimes I wish I can kill him. How to deal with the situation?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

I would like you to take two days off and go and do some service in a mental hospital. Just stay with mentally deranged persons for two days and do some work there. When you volunteer in a mental hospital, then you will know how to deal with crazy people. If they are crazy what will you do? You will handle them with patience. You don't go and slap them or strangle them, isn’t it?
I tell you this is a very good exercise, going to a mental asylum and doing seva for one or two days and if that is less then go for a whole week. It is good. Then you will know that there are similar people at home and everywhere. The world is full of mental people, some are in the asylums and some are outside, only they don't have the label. Then you will get enormous patience to deal with all of them.
For your own sake don’t do anything that would put you behind bars, okay!

Sometimes when your own father or mother makes a harsh comment, you don't mind it. You have taken many harsh comments from your parents and it stays with you for one day and then it just blows away. But when the in-laws say even half of what your parents would've said that goes right inside and makes you very upset, isn't it? Now you have to reverse the role and think, suppose they were your own parents, how would you handle it? It would make a big difference.
Usually I say in the ashram to everyone that they should leave all of their botherations here and go home happily. One lady said, ‘Can I leave my mother-in-law here and go home happily?’ I said, ‘If your mother-in-law also says the same thing, I will have to have two cells, one for mothers-in-law and one for daughters-in-law.’
I asked her, ‘Hasn't your mother criticized you more than your mother-in-law?’
The lady thought and said, ‘You are correct. My mother is always on me. For every little thing she is finding fault with me.’
I said, ‘Why do you take it differently? When your mother is criticizing you, you don't take it so deep, but with your mother-in-law your attitude is different.’
Just when we throw some light on these facts, our attitude changes and then our circumstances also change.