Gurudev, there are times when I feel close to the Divine, and other times when I feel the Divine so far away. Why this fluctuation?
I think you have too much time sitting and thinking about yourself, whether your close or not. Get out and work for the world. Do something for the society. Keep yourself busy.
When you do seva, you get merit, and because of the merit, you can go deep in meditation. They are all connected. Everything is connected.