Your child should be participative in your life

Tue, 06/08/2010

Continued from the last post

A healthy child will have three kinds of trust - Trust in the divinity, trust in the goodness of people and trust in one self. A healthy child will not think that everybody is a thief or everybody is bad. He/ She doesn’t get into this sort of paranoia. A healthy child knows that people are good. A healthy child has trust in himself/ herself and trust in the unseen power of God, Divinity, some higher power. These three types of trusts can make a child genius .These are the ingredients to make a very talented and genius child. To nurture them, we need to bring about these tendencies in them.
If you keep telling children that everyone is a cheat, the child loses its trust in the people around and the society in general. Their personality, talents and communication skills will shrink. Their interaction with people will suffer a great deal. They become unsuccessful business persons, unsuccessful professionals and unsuccessful artists. They may have talents but this is the result you will get if trust in people and in the goodness of things as they are is taken away. Today, you have many young people who want to be entrepreneurs, but they are not successful. You know why? This is the reason. They don’t trust in the goodness of people nor do they trust in themselves. As parents we have to build these things in a child. Do you encourage if they come to you with complaints? What do you do? Do you encourage the negativity? Or you mould it to something positive. You have to play a balanced role. Sometimes your child comes to you and says so and so is so good, and you know that that friend of your son/ daughter is not so good. Here you have to point out their mistakes and bring them to the center line sometimes. They get swayed away by somebody and you know their habits are not so good, then you have to tell the negative things. But if they are telling you negative things about somebody, then you have to point out the positive. So, you have to have a balancing act whenever a child swings too much to the left or too much to the right. Do you agree with me? We create an atmosphere around us. If we create an atmosphere of trust and children grow in that atmosphere, they become brilliant. But, if we create an atmosphere of negativity, distrust, or dejection, they are going to reflect and bounce the same thing on us. Having come here today, I want to give you an exercise to do which I want you to do every day. When you come back from work and meet your children, the first thing you do is clap with them, or play, or laugh. It may look little artificial for one or two days. But later on, it will become a breakthrough for you and your kids. Sit and have food with the whole family, as much as possible, at least 3 to 4 times a week. And while having food, don’t tell them they are bad. While serving them food, don’t put down their moods. There is a time to tell them when they are wrong, never on the dining table.
Close your eyes for 30 seconds. Just suppose that everyone is telling you that they don’t trust you. Think no one trusts you. How do you feel?(After 30 seconds) Open your eyes. Bad, sad, unhappy! You know this is the atmosphere we create- ‘I don’t trust you, I don’t trust you’ .It is an effort to create an healthy atmosphere, I understand because your life is not only your own children. You have so many other things; you have to interact with so many other people. When you have no control over your own moods, it is difficult to make a mood or create an atmosphere just for the sake of children. But we need to make an effort. So, let us quickly go over once again.Have dinner with the kids atleast 3-4 times in a week. And when you are having food, don’t point out their mistakes or blame them. See that their mood is uplifted.See that their personality is developed such that they don’t feel the generation gap. They interact with elders as well as youngsters. Give them some responsibility of youngsters and sometimes some responsibility to do something for older ones by which you can bridge their generation gap.
Make sure that they have little bit of both science and arts. If you find your child is too much oriented towards music and arts and doesn’t care for science, then you put in little effort to take them to science museum or make them do some mathematics. Encourage them a little bit towards science. If they are too much into science and mathematics, give from musical side as well. It is not difficult to put them on musical side, because they always have musical or artistic side to them. But especially boys, you will have to encourage them a little more .Girls naturally have an inclination towards arts.
Engage them in some project where they are contributing, they are giving rather than acquiring or possessing. We need to do something to inculcate this tendency in children. Just small things, it doesn’t have to be anything big.See that they have three types of trust. Trust in the goodness of people. Tell them the stories or good happenings in the world not just only the negative things. Trust in themselves, encourage them. Sometimes they say, “I can’t do it”. Encourage them and tell them that they can do it. And then trust in the goodness in the society. If they grow up with the feeling of mistrust or fear, there will be paranoia. Their personality will start shrinking, they can never blossom, they can never be good communicators in the society. Trust the society and trust in divinity. A little bit of ritual is essential to create an atmosphere for children. Make them sit and do some chanting. Ask them to light a candle a lamp, some little bit of ritual is good for them to hold on. Make them to break a coconut or go to temple. It is important to root a little bit of sanskara about something that is supernatural. Don’t you think it is necessary? A faith in the unknown can take them a long way. Not too much, though, just a little bit. Make them read a few shalokas. These things will develop their personality.
When children are very positive about their friends, give them a little caution, but not too much. If they are very negative about some friends, show that that there is something positive coming out there also. In this way, you are pushing them to the center, not letting them fall on either side.
Learn from them. Don’t always stand up as a teacher. But participate with them and learn from them.

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