Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Q: Another question on love. When you were here last time, you said not to say ‘I love you’ too much for too much expression of love destroys it all. Now, my husband never says it. What to do?
Sri Sri: Listen! I have no experience of all this and what husband and wife say to each other!
May be, you should ask your husband why does he love you so much. May be he is waiting for you to say. This is a chance when you can say and look at his face.
Q: Please, please, please, please answer my question. Dear Sri Sri, when there is love, why suffering is also there in a relationship?
Sri Sri: Love with wisdom is bliss. Love without knowledge or wisdom is pain. Why is there pain in love? That is what you are wondering or questioning about! It is not love which is giving you pain. If it is just purely love, that means you just care for someone, you want the best for them, and then there is no pain. But when you want something in return from them or you have demands from them, then there is pain. Small things like you love somebody and they didn’t smile at you, that is enough! You love somebody and they are interested in someone else, they flirt around or complement someone, good enough for you to burn the next 24 hours or days. Jealousy, hatred, greed, arrogance and attachment are all love’s distortions. Love by itself doesn’t bring a misery. That is why knowledge and centered-ness are so important. If you centered, you can handle all these distortions, they come for a while and they disappear.
Doesn’t matter, I will handle! I can easily manage people from falling!
Q: An ‘Art of Living’ teacher once said that God created us and He is perfect. So, we are perfect. That’s believable. We are perfect, so shouldn’t an engineer’s work be perfect? How come it is not?
Sri Sri: The question is perfect and the answer is even more perfect. Everything in the universe is moving from one level of perfection to another level. Milk is perfect and when it turns into yogurt, yogurt is perfect. You take out cream from yogurt, and that is perfect, and then you make butter, and that is also perfect. This is one way of looking at it. The other side of looking at it is, the milk got spoil and you make cheese out of it. When yogurt got spoil, it became imperfect and you took butter out of it. This is another way to look at it. It all depends on how you look at it. It’s imperfection that gives value to perfection. Isn’t it so? How can you call something perfect? Because there is something which is not perfect. So, the existence of something which is not perfect is absolutely essential to understand something that is perfect. So, the imperfect makes the perfect, perfect!
Q: How do I overcome and move beyond the physical desires?
Sri Sri: It depends on what is your age. If you are a teenager or just out of teenage, then it is quite but natural. There is nothing you can do about it. Keep yourself busy. If you have too much free time, only sex will occupy the mind. Have you noticed in your exam times, or when you are too busy, or you have to take a challenge, or you are going on a sports trip, or when your mind is occupied and engaged, then sex is not a big issue, it is not so compelling. But when you are too free, that is when it takes over the seat. Now, sex is not bad, but the obsession is horrible. One type of sex is when you try to satisfy, and if you do not get satisfied, there is another type that starts happening.
So many different distortions and tendencies would come up in the mind. The best thing is to do pranayama. Pranayama helps. Then, watching your food will help. If you eat too much, so much energy is there, and it needs an outlet to go somewhere. And if you are not creative, then it definitely takes the other route. So, a little bit say on the food. It is said if you cannot control your tongue, you can never control your genitals, because your tongue and genitals are connected. Sex and food are very much linked. So, your obsession can be controlled if your food is lighter and moderate in amount.
Pranayama can help you to control excessive tendencies. Music and dance will help. Some creative art, painting, writing story, and appreciating beauty will help. When you are more happy, inclination towards sex is less. But if you are miserable, restless and unhappy then inclination towards sex is much more. So, by all these things and keeping yourself busy, you can sail through the tough time. Because when you indulge in it, later on you don’t like it, and not going into sex makes you completely nuts. So, you are in a limbo sort of state. This is very difficult in teenage time; there is no way out of it other than keeping someone very very busy.And then the middle age crisis! I am analyzing all these different age groups when one has to overcome these hurdles. Still, if none of these works, just wait for the time. As you grow older, it will simply disappear. You know, time will take care of it. When you are 60, 70 or may be 80, sometime it has to drop of you. Mind, sometime, will become cool. At least then, something will wake up from within.
Q: Where do negative thoughts come from? If they come in me, does that mean I am negative or bad? I refocus on thoughts again and again, but they come back. I judge them, I don’t like them and I think about judgment, but I am not able to get rid of those? What should I do?
Sri Sri: Now, there is a problem. You chase them and they come to you multiplied. Just give them a tight hug and you will suddenly find they have disappeared. They are scared of your hug, but they are fond of you chasing them. So, they come back again for you to chase them again, again and again.
If too many negative thoughts are coming, reason is lack of circulation in you. Do a lot of exercises. I think you have too much free time to sit and think. If you keep yourself busy, less of negative thoughts will come. If you are constipated, for sure you will have negative thoughts. So, set your bowel movements correct. That will also help you. If vatta, pitta or kapha imbalance comes, then also you will have too many negative thoughts. Ayurveda herbs will help for that. You can take 2-3 triphla tablets in night, and something to soothe your nervous system, like shatavari. These herbs calms and soothes the system.
The company you are in can also affect the mind. Company of people who are negative, can also affect the mind.
One last thing that affect is time. Certain times, certain planetary positions and certain cosmic energies can all affect your mind. But all this will pass. Don’t be paranoid about anything. Just know that time moves on.
Q: I was wondering what exactly the mind is. Is it a little space in our brain or is it universal? And yes, I want to tell you that you rock.
Sri Sri: Mind is energy which is all over the body. See, every cell in your body is emitting some energy and the totality of all that energy around you is what you call the mind. Mind is not present at some point in the brain, but mind is all over the body. There is so much deep knowledge about consciousness; we should sometime go much deeper into it. We will understand more. The more you understand, the more wonder-struck you are. Wow!
You know, people have phantom hand, that means they really don’t have a hand, but they feel they have a hand and they feel sensations like itching or paining in that hand. People who have lost their hand or leg in a war or accident, later sometimes, they feel they have a phantom hand or a leg. Though, they don’t have it physically. That explains or gives a clue that the mind is not just in one spot, it is all around the body. The aura of body is mind. We think that mind is inside the body, it is the other way around - Body is inside the mind. Body is like the wick of the candle and mind is like the glow all around.
Q: Beloved Guruji, I see you in my thoughts and my dreams. I am free and completely surrendered in my thoughts and dreams. But why is my experience different when I meet you here. Also why don’t I get to spend time with you in person?
Sri Sri: You are spending time with me here. You take up some project and you will definitely get to spend time with me.
Q: What is the relationship between seeker, guru and the Divine?
Sri Sri: The beginning, middle and end of a same line. It is the seed, the plant and the tree.
Q: Guruji, is there any particularly good direction to sit in to practice our spiritual practices, and also when you are sleeping?
Sri Sri: Any direction is OK. Usually, you face the sun if the sun is there, east and west during sunrise and sunset respectively. When sun has already set and it’s dark, usually we face the north.
But that is not so important.
Why do we face the sun in the morning or evening? This is because force of energy is from one direction. So, if you are sitting facing one side and force is from the other side that means there is no balance on the other side. Suppose, you have one light here, and no light there, then there is an imbalance between the right and the left. So, sitting accordingly balances the right and the left. You are to balance right and left for meditation. So, it is said that way. But it is secondary, not even secondary, it is tertiary. It is not that important.
Q: Why do we experience death and rebirth again and again? What does it do for us?
Sri Sri: Well, Ground hug day!