Overcoming Demand and the Blame Game: 6 Tips On Building Strong, Healthy, and Lasting Relationships

By Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar┃Posted: November 06, 2018

The key to perfect relationships

If you know how to row a boat, you can row any boat. But if you don’t know how to row, changing boats isn’t going to help.

Similarly, changing a relationship doesn’t necessarily solve relationship issues. Sooner or later, you’ll be in the same situation in any other relationship, because in all relationships, what is most important is your understanding of your own emotions, your own mind, your own ability to be stable, and your own ability to see things from a broader perspective. For this wisdom is important, because it’s wisdom that gives you strength, stability, and a broader perspective in life.

Most of the time, we look elsewhere for perfect, healthy relationships; very few look within themselves, at the place from which they relate. To have a good relationship, you first need to see how you relate to with yourself. You need to look inside.

6 Best practices for building healthy relationships

Here are some secrets on how to have a healthy relationship and head in the right direction:

#1 Let go of control

Many have a problem letting go of control. This results in anxiety and restlessness, and it sours relationships.

Wake up and see: are you really in control? What are you in control of? Perhaps a tiny part of your waking state!

-You aren’t in control when you are sleeping or dreaming.
-You aren’t in control of thoughts and emotions coming to you.
Similarly, do you think you are in control of all the events in your life or in the world? When you look at things from this angle you needn’t be afraid of losing control because you have none!

#2 Have a sense of reverence

Whatever you revere becomes bigger than you. When you have reverence in your relationships, then your own consciousness expands. Then every little creature appears to be dignified. Reverence in every relationship saves the relationship.

Often you don’t have reverence for that which you own. Reverence in ownership frees you from greed, jealousy, and lust. Cultivate the skill of having reverence every moment in your life.

#3 Have common goals

When two lines move parallel with each other, they can go on together forever. But when the two lines are focused on each other, then they cross and go away from each other.

The same is true with relationships. When both partners have a common goal in life, that makes their relationship last longer and brings more harmony. But when they are focused on each other, then they pick on each other; they love and hate, and fights happen.

#4 Annihilate conflict


When you’re in a harmonious environment, your mind picks up any excuse to be in conflict. Often small things are enough to create a big turmoil.

When your survival is at stake, you don't complain that nobody loves you. But when you’re safe and secure, you start demanding attention. Many people create conflict in order to get attention. So ask yourself this question: do you seek harmony and forgiveness in every situation, or do you seek to widen the differences and prove your righteousness?

#5 Know you have more love than you deserve

You should always feel that you aren’t worthy of the love that you receive. Think that the love you receive is much more than what you deserve. If you come from this space of humility, then you’ll behave with magnanimity and dignity in all your dealings.

You won’t chew on the past, but you’ll live in the present moment. You’ll honor the other’s opinions, you’ll understand the other’s predicaments, and that magnanimity will come from within.

If you keep this in mind, that ‘I don’t deserve this love,’ you won’t demand love. And when you don’t demand love in your life, it keeps increasing.

#6 Leave some room for the other to give

Relationship means adjustment; it’s giving. But at the same time, leave some room for the other partner to give. This requires a little skill--to make the other also contribute without demanding.

If you demand, the relationship won’t last long. Demand and blame destroy love.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar is a humanitarian and spiritual leader, an ambassador of peace and human values. Through his life and work, Gurudev has inspired millions around the world with a vision of a stress-free, violence-free world.  He has founded courses that provide techniques and tools to live a deeper, more joyous life and he has established non-profit organizations that recognize a common human identity above the boundaries of race, nationality, and religion.