Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
What is Love? - 12 July 2012 - QA 3
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
The basis of all existence. All the cells in your body love each other, that is why they are together. The day they stop loving each other, it all disintegrates. Got it?
If there is one substances by which everything is held together and you want to give it a name, you can call it love. It is the basis of all existence. All the cells in your body love each other, that is why they are together. The day they stop loving each other, it all disintegrates.
Love is not all wiggly wiggly and mushy mushy, "Oh I can’t live without you, I love you so much", and so on. It is not that. That is just an emotional something. Love means (silence)… that is it.
Love is indescribable. You can’t describe it. And there is not a creature on this planet who doesn’t know it. From the insect to the lion, from a chicken to an enlightened person, everybody has experienced love. Love for life is what we think it is, but life itself is love. So see, through this knowledge, that the whole universe is love.
Love is not just an emotion, it is your very existence. The earth loves the sun, that is why it keeps going around the sun. The moon loves the earth, that is why the moon goes around the earth. Wherever there is a force, or there is energy, or a pull, or attraction, you call it love. And where there is repulsion that is also love in the opposite direction.
Why are you are drawn to somebody or something? It is because you love them. You see a cheesecake and you are drawn to it; you experience a pull, isn't it? You see a beautiful girl, or a girl sees a beautiful boy, there is a pull, and what do you call that? You call it love! Why? Because there is a pull, there is an attraction, there is a force. And that force is what manages the whole universe
Some places it is more obvious and some other places it is not obvious. The day the earth stops loving you, you will start flying. The earth loves you so much that the gravitational force keeps you glued to the earth. So love is that force in human life.
All the negative emotions are just a distorted form of love. In anger there is love. Ask me how? You love perfection and that is why you get angry. Greed is love. Greed is when you love something much more than life. When you love objects more than life, it is called greed. Hatred is love upside down. Fear is love upside down.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Do you love others unconditionally? Ask yourself this! Do not judge other people’s love for you. Suppose you find that someone’s love for you is conditional, don’t ask them, “Do you really love me? How much do you love me? Will you continue to love me all your life?” Don’t ask these silly questions. Take it for granted that the other person loves you. If you find that their love is a little less, ask them, “Why do you love me so much?” instead of saying "You don’t love me". Demand destroys love, so you should not demand love. Whether it is father-son, mother-daughter, husband-wife, wherever the demand comes, love starts reducing. So from your side, you be unconditional to your partner or your parents and say, “I am here for you. What is it that you want, I am here”.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Marriage is a commitment to share one's life and care for another. It helps one to come out of self-centeredness. In a marriage, you cannot always think about only yourself. After being married you have to also think about your spouse. If you want to go on a vacation, you cannot just wander around, you have to consult your better half, and all decisions need to be taken in consultation with one another. Marriage is a very sacred institution where you tell your partner, "All my desires I give to you and I take all your desires". So each one has the responsibility to fulfill the other's desires and not their own. Growing in marriage is growing in responsibility, and love and responsibility go together. Marriage is also that institution of commitment to serve the society together. If you are married only to serve yourself, then you start demanding from each other, and demand destroys love. If you both have a goal to serve society, to make a difference in the world, then it is like two parallel lines that can move together till infinity. Then, there is satisfaction; life finds a fulfillment.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
I can tell you one thing, suppose you were in your partner’s place and you made a mistake unknowingly, or due to some compulsion, and your partner does not forgive you and holds it against you, how would you feel? Get into your partner's shoes and see. If you were the person who made that mistake, and your partner is not forgiving you, would you feel okay, or would you beg your partner to give you one more chance? This is good enough for you to take the cue. Nobody wants to cheat anyone. It is a temptation or a craving for something more that drives a person to do unethical things. Your soul does not stop until it finds itself, until it finds the ocean of joy. Until then, it keeps going for something more, thinking, "I may get something here". This is what drives a person.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
If you express your feelings, you will ruin it. You don't need to tell somebody that you love them. If they are sensitive, they can feel it. Once you tell them your feelings, it changes everything. Your existence is love. You breathe and there is love. Real intimacy is knowing that you are already intimate and relaxing about it, never trying to convince the other that you are intimate, never trying to express yourself too much. So simply smile, and allow them to become intimate by themselves. It’s natural when you feel intimate that you want a response from the other person, you would like the other person to feel intimate too. Let them take their time. Don't be in a hurry to express your intimacy.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
When there are two lines which run parallel, they go on forever together, but when they are focussed on each other, they cross and go away from each other. The same is true with relationships. When both partners have a common goal in life and are focussed on it, then their relationship lasts longer and with more harmony. When they are focussed on each other and they pick on each other this is when all the fights begin. If you can accept all the fights, the misunderstandings, the differences and move on, then you move together.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
When someone is cheating on you and their mind is going towards someone else, what do you do? Just pray, have patience and understand their mind. Give them three warnings, and even then if they don’t listen, then take some drastic steps.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Time will tell. Always know that there is a sense of sacrifice in love, while attachment only brings misery. In the name of love, if you fall into an infatuation or attachment, then you will only get misery. But in true love, even sacrifice brings contentment. Love brings sacrifice and contentment, while attachment and feverishness can only bring misery.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
See, there are different ways of saying and expressing love. Just find a way that suits you and say it. If you cannot say it in words, then express it by making some hand gestures. Or you can write it and give it to her. You can send her a text message. Nowadays you do not even have to write complete words in the text message. Just sending those emoticons does the job! So just send those to her, one in the morning, one in the afternoon and one in the evening. See, it is our duty to try and keep everyone happy. Whether they choose to be happy or not is up to them. Some people will not believe it, even if you express. After receiving your text they might ask, "Do you really mean what you sent?" The mind is really very mysterious. Love is said to be Anirvachaniya (that which is beyond words, or cannot be expressed completely through words). You go ahead and do it!Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
I would say, ask yourself, have you given your 100% to the relationship. If you feel that you haven’t, then give it another try. And not just for one or two months, give it enough time, and give enough space for the other person to grow to your level, or for you to grow to their level. If it doesn’t work and if it is still only a struggle with no hope of some pleasure or some joy, it is better you go your way and still be friends, rather than making things very sour. Don’t waste your life; move on! There are so many things to do in life besides a relationship, so don’t get stuck.