My children have gone abroad for higher studies and I am now alone at home. I often do not know what to do, and feel a sense of emptiness.
See, until now, your whole world was limited to your children and their wellbeing, isn’t it? Your world was restricted to a small boundary. You only thought about 'My children; me, mine”, etc. Now that you have more time on your hands, I would suggest you to involve your neighbours and dear ones and conduct satsang regularly. Get engaged in some social service projects, and work for the society. There is so much you can do.
If you know children who are in need of a loving parent or grandparent – then make yourself available for them and take care of them. Engage yourself in some service project. Or, you can sit and read the scriptures and other books. You can take up writing as well. Today you need not even go anywhere, just by being at home and writing, you can reach out to so many people. You should always share knowledge with others.
This kind of social arrangement or framework has been in existence in India since many ages. This stage of life is called the Vanaprastha Ashrama (the third phase of the Vedic Ashrama system which starts when a person hands over household responsibilities to the next generation, takes an advisory role, and gradually withdraws from the world).
Once your children have grown and become independent, hand over the keys and responsibilities of the household to them. This is the way to be happy. If you cling onto the keys of the house till your last breath, then you will become miserable and also make others miserable around you. You should not do this. As time progresses, you should hand over the responsibilities to the next generation and let them lead their lives independently. Do not become like the Queen of England. Her son has turned 65 years old, yet he is still a prince, he has not become king and taken the throne. He often thinks whether or not will he ever become king. The mother has turned 85 or 87 years of age, but she still hangs on to the throne instead of letting her children take up the throne and come forward. People feel quite disturbed by seeing this.
There are many industrialists who are like this. They have grown so old, they have become hard of hearing, they are not able to see properly, their mind is no longer as sharp as it used to be, but they still do not pass on the reins and responsibility of their business to their children. The children keep waiting and thinking, “When will I be able to take charge of the family business and contribute?” The concept of Vanaprastha Ashrama is such a good arrangement for life. After reaching a certain age, one should simply hand over everything to the children to take forward and lead their life freely thereafter. Often the children live in fear or insecurity that they will have to constantly remain dependent and accountable to their parents. This is the greatest insecurity prevalent in society today. Even after becoming grandparents, people have this constant fear whether or not to give the charge of the house and business to the children. They fear whether the children will look after them in the old age after handing over the property to them. And we have seen many incidents like this in the society. This is one side.
On the other side, there are also some children who turn out to be so irresponsible and unworthy even when they grow up. Why does this happen? It is because they never had to care for much, other than food, shelter and clothing. They never got any spiritual knowledge and understanding of human values and so they become so irresponsible. When people see such kind of incidents happening around them, then they also reserve some things for themselves till the very end (instead of letting go and handing over to the children). In recent times, we have seen an increase in the number of such unfortunate incidents. Children go to any length to wrongly acquire their parental or ancestral property by wrong means. Some children wrongly accuse their parents of mental imbalance or insanity to claim their property. I tell you, if you call your parents mad, are you also not behaving equally mad by trying to hoard their property in this manner? Often the children produce false certificates to prove their parents are of unsound mind.
Such incidents have been on the rise on society today. Why is this so? It is because we have not inculcated right values in children and have not educated them properly. It also happens because we have not led our lives as per the cultural values and norms of our society.
The essence of the Vanaprastha Ashrama is that after reaching a certain ripe age, one must share all that one has received in life with others. Whatever wisdom you have learnt in life till that age, you must share it with others. So after reaching the age of 50 or 60 years, one should act in accordance with the Vanaprastha Ashrama. By this age, you have had enough running after “Me; mine; my life”, etc. Now you must dedicate your life to helping and uplifting others. You must now expand your boundaries of care and concern for others, rather than limiting it further. This entire framework of the Ashrama System has been so intelligently conceived and put in place in our society.