Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
How do I know if my child is into drugs or just moody?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
That’s why it is important for you to know them and their friend circle. You will get to know what they do, where they go and keep a tab on them, especially when they are in their teenage.Teenage is a very difficult time. Teenagers are undergoing so many biological changes and so they are not just satisfied with the love of their parents. They look for love from outside – through emotional support or physical pleasure. Their mind is in such confusion. So, to deal with teenage children is a big task.
Please give guidance on parenting special children.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You simply serve them. Don’t pity them. You know, people with special needs, their soul is in a different state. They are not in a sorry state. They have come to this planet just to take service. With this attitude, you do service. Never have sympathy for them, ‘Oh poor child’. Children with special needs have come just to take service from you.
Sometimes dealing with kids gets so tricky that I tend to lose my patience. Every day I decide to be calm, but when the situation arises I am not able to control myself. What should I do?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You can’t do anything about it now, you have to live life spontaneously. It is okay to sometimes lose your temper, never mind. You should leave a little room for imperfection in life, and start accepting.
Some kids are there to teach you a lot of lessons, and it is okay for mothers and fathers to sometimes get upset with their kids. You don’t have to bring them up with all with sweet words all the time. Then you will make them very weak. I have seen parents who have never scolded their children. These children when they grow old, they can’t stand any criticism. A little criticism, a little disrespect from someone or a little bit of failure rattles them. They become so upset because they never experienced anything like that at home. So, at home, being upset with kids sometimes is like giving them a vaccination so that they get stronger. But don’t take this as an excuse to get upset all the time with the kids, it does not work. Too much of it is also bad. If you are scolding your children every day on a routine basis, they become so thick skinned and they go all the way to the other side, which is also not good. A little dose here and there is okay.
How do I deal with the rebelliousness of my kids?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Negative suggestions call for rebelliousness in the mind. If you say, “Don't do it”, then the mind says, “Why? Let me do it!” The mind calls for rebelliousness. But if you say, “You can do it, only you won't get the results”, then you don't leave a chance for the mind to be rebellious, then it takes the knowledge in.
I remember one dentist would tell kids who would ask ‘Why should I brush my teeth’, he would say, “No, you don't need to brush the teeth that you don't want, you only brush the teeth that you want to keep!”
So, move from negative suggestions to positive ones, this is important. When there is strong bonding, then negative or positive suggestions don’t matter. It’s only when the bonding is not very strong that negative suggestions call for rebelliousness in the mind.
There is so much competition in society that kids have no time to relax. There is a fear that they will not fit into society. How do we handle this situation?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You shouldn’t push them too much. You should teach them to relax. Music, meditation and some games will help. Take some time out to play games with your children, this is very important.
Tell your children 'Compete with yourself. How you did last year, see whether you are doing better this year', that's healthy competition.
How to cope with children’s expectations when they compare themselves with others and demand the things that others have?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You have to tell children that you can only give them this much and they shouldn’t compare themselves with others.
It is important that you don’t give them any false hope. At the same time, we can give them a dream. If you pass or do this, maybe you will get it. Here lies the importance of bringing them up with that sensitivity and belongingness. That is why I say, make your children participate in your life instead of teaching them, then they will not even ask you. They should be a participant in your life, then they will be sensitive towards you, rather than putting a demand on you.
Before you become a good father or mother, you need to become a good uncle or aunt. You should communicate more with the friends of your children. They will listen to you. Suppose, if your son or daughter’s friends have any wrong habit, you can influence them to change. They will listen to you more than their own parents.
How to deal with my child asking too many questions?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Children ask questions and often they are not looking for an answer, they move on whether you answer or not. Children are not stuck in questions like adults. Adults get stuck in questions, and ask the same questions ten times; children don't care. The spirit of inquiry comes to their mind, they ask a question and move on. So, you shouldn't take it too seriously.
When Shiva is formless why do we worship the lingam?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You must understand what lingam means, lingam means identification. When a baby is born how do you know whether the baby is a boy or a girl – only through one part of the body, everything else looks the same. Just the genitals tell you ‘This is a boy or this is a girl. So similarly, to identify something which is infinite they put a stone and that itself will tell you that this is a symbol of Universal energy, the formless. So, lingam means what? An identification. Genital is also called lingam because through that you identify, but that is secondary. Simply lingam means an identification, so they used to keep a stone or a crystal and say this is to identify the inexpressible, that which is infinity.
Scientists discovered many things like all planets, distance between the Sun and Earth, etc., which are already mentioned in our Hindu scriptures. Is there a mention anywhere about black hole in our Vedas?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Yes, there is the Nasadiya Sukta in the Vedas that says that in the beginning there was darkness covered by the darkness, and from there came water.
You know every generation has had some knowledge. The ancient knowledge that we hear today, when people went into deep meditation they simply downloaded it, it was there in the atmosphere.
See usually people think Shiva is a person, he was there some 10,000 years ago or 15,000 years ago. This is completely wrong. Shiva never walked on this planet because Shiva had no body. Shiva means energy. Shiva had no form and he never had a family and he never walked on the planet, Shiva is just energy. Shiva is a principle that is eternal, that is beyond time and that eternal principle is guiding everybody.
Shiva is the Guru since ancient times and has been teaching everyone because it is part of everyone's consciousness.
What is Shiva? It is truth, beauty and consciousness which is benevolent, which is auspicious. It is the consciousness which brings benevolence to everyone.
Shiva has been depicted in blue. Blue means sky. Unless there is a form, you can't relate to it and so the ancient people put an outline of a person in blue and called it Shiva. They put the bull as his vehicle. Bull means righteousness: when you feel righteous, when you are free from guilt, you are able to experience deep peace. Anyone who has guilt deep inside them, who is not righteous, who are thick skinned cannot experience the subtlety of the beauty that is Shiva.
Please talk about Sahasrara chakra. Why is it that Sahasrara chakra is not activated? Most of our meditations are only till second last chakra.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You know, don't go too much into the chakras, just relax, everything will happen on its own.