10 August 2013 - QA 6

Gurudev, if marriages are made in heaven, then why so many divorces happen on Earth?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Marriages are made in heaven, but divorces are made on Earth! (Laughter)
Lack of patience. Somewhere in our country we are losing patience. We want everything immediately, and we want quick result, and quick changes.

In our Canadian organization, we had a president for a long time, around 10-12 years ago. She was an 82 year old lady. She used to tell me, 'Gurudev, if one cannot row one boat they cannot row any other boat. Even if you change the boat, you will not learn how to row the boat'.
So she said, 'I’ve decided that, so I’m rowing the same boat for last 45 years!' And she introduced her husband.

These days the youngsters don’t know, they think by changing the boat they can row it well! And that’s such a wisdom, you see? If you know how to row the boat, you can row any boat. Many times newly married girls come and they complain about their mother-in-law. I tell them, win them over by love – what is it that they want? Why do you have to separate from your in-laws?

We don’t know basic communication skills. I just asked these girls one question, 'Was your mother not criticizing you?'
They said, 'Yes'.
Just look, your mother was much more criticizing than your mother in law. You tolerated everything your mother said, only when it comes from your husband’s mother it pricks you more deeply and you want to get out of the house.

Just treat her as you treat your own mother. Take whatever she says like your own mother. You know it has made such a big difference in many, many marriages.

You should know just this simple wisdom. Meditate a little bit. Okay, mother-in-law is criticizing, let her criticize! Where there is belongingness, there is criticism also! Your mother-in-law has said something, it’s okay! Just listen to what she’s saying. If it hurts, keep cotton in your ears and keep listening, keep smiling!

You can win over anyone with love. And what is the difficulty in winning over elders of the home? We need a little patience, a little endurance. If we lose patience, we cannot progress in any aspect in the society. If you ask me how to increase patience and endurance? I will say continue doing what you’re doing here.

How many of you feel that you have changed, you have more patience? Let me see. Good.>/p>