Dear Gurudev, I have a very nice person as my partner. I feel that I am not good enough for my partner and I am not fulfilling the expectations kept from me. Is marriage really made in heaven? Am I being cursed with love?
You are wondering why you got married! It’s a little too late for that! It is better not to spend time regretting.
Marriage is a compromise and you have to compromise. You know you have a very nice person as a partner. Just imagine what you would have done if you had had a very bad person as a partner. Now either you put the label on your partner that he or she is a bad person, or you put the label on yourself, it’s the same. If you put the label on yourself you are justifying your action by saying, 'Anyways I’m a bad person so I will keep doing what I’m doing, I don’t need to change'.
If you put the label ‘bad’ on your partner, you think he will never change. In either case it’s not going to work.
I once read a small story. After death a gentleman was departing and his dog came along with him. When they got to the gate marked 'Heaven', the guard said, 'Only you can come in, you cannot bring your pet in. Your dog is not allowed'.
The man said, 'The dog has been so loyal to me, how can I leave him'.
The guard said, 'In heaven dogs have no entry'.
The man felt committed to the dog so he didn’t enter heaven and went further. Then they came to a gate with a board saying 'Hell' where they welcomed him. He asked if he could bring his dog with him and they said yes. He went in and the place was really heaven.
He thought, if this is heaven then what was that other gate? He was told that was hell! It was only to test and filter people to see whether they give up their commitment and not care for others, or they care for those who they are committed to.
'That is real hell and this is heaven. You have kept your commitment and so you are here'.
Do not think you are a bad person, change yourself. Why can’t you change yourself? Give up little things for the sake of your partner. I am not telling you to give up all the time, but at least sometimes. Then you will not label yourself as a bad person. Do you see what I’m saying?
If sometimes without your own knowledge some words come out of your mouth, or if you behave differently, don’t sit and regret. Just see it’s a dream and move forward.
That’s why you should live in the moment with commitment, not just live in the moment.