Dear Gurudev, is it okay if I am dependent on you, or should I be independent? I am constantly trying to improve myself, how can I be better?
This is a good question to have, ‘How can I be better?’ But don’t keep dwelling on it. If you keep thinking, 'What about me', then if you do some mistake, you will keep blaming yourself. You will swing between self-blame, self-pity and over-worthiness. All these complications comes.
Just do whatever you can and relax. Needing and wanting to be needed, in both cases, you’re being self-centric. Just be!
A flower does not make an effort to spread fragrance. A flower is fragrant and the fragrance spreads. A light does not make an effort to push its rays into our eyes. It is just there and the light spreads. Same with you, you don’t need to be made to see that you are being dependent or you want to be wanted. All these complicated mind-sets, you must bundle them up and put it aside. Be available to do any good work, be creative.
I need so many creative people; every bit of creativity can be useful somewhere or the other. And whatever you can do, you do. If you talk to the housing, they need so many people to clean rooms, if you have free time, you go clean.
Talk to the gardeners, they’ll tell you to come and water the plants. So if you want to do seva there are so many avenues to do it. Otherwise simply sitting and saying ‘Will I be wanted? Am I useful? Will someone like me? Does anybody love me or not?’ is of no use.
All these complications, my goodness. It is just a sad waste of time. I want you to be happy and grow in knowledge.