Parenting Queries

22 Feb 2017 Bangalore, India

How to deal with my child asking too many questions?

Children ask questions and often they are not looking for an answer, they move on whether you answer or not. Children are not stuck in questions like adults. Adults get stuck in questions, and ask the same questions ten times; children don't care. The spirit of inquiry comes to their mind, they ask a question and move on. So, you shouldn't take it too seriously.

Please give guidance on parenting special children.

You simply serve them. Don’t pity them. You know, people with special needs, their soul is in a different state. They are not in a sorry state. They have come to this planet just to take service. With this attitude, you do service. Never have sympathy for them, ‘Oh poor child’. Children with special needs have come just to take service from you.

How to cope with children’s expectations when they compare themselves with others and demand the things that others have?

You have to tell children that you can only give them this much and they shouldn’t compare themselves with others.
It is important that you don’t give them any false hope. At the same time, we can give them a dream. If you pass or do this, maybe you will get it. Here lies the importance of bringing them up with that sensitivity and belongingness. That is why I say, make your children participate in your life instead of teaching them, then they will not even ask you. They should be a participant in your life, then they will be sensitive towards you, rather than putting a demand on you.

Before you become a good father or mother, you need to become a good uncle or aunt. You should communicate more with the friends of your children. They will listen to you. Suppose, if your son or daughter’s friends have any wrong habit, you can influence them to change. They will listen to you more than their own parents.

How do I deal with the rebelliousness of my kids?

Negative suggestions call for rebelliousness in the mind. If you say, “Don't do it”, then the mind says, “Why? Let me do it!” The mind calls for rebelliousness. But if you say, “You can do it, only you won't get the results”, then you don't leave a chance for the mind to be rebellious, then it takes the knowledge in.

I remember one dentist would tell kids who would ask ‘Why should I brush my teeth’, he would say, “No, you don't need to brush the teeth that you don't want, you only brush the teeth that you want to keep!”
So, move from negative suggestions to positive ones, this is important. When there is strong bonding, then negative or positive suggestions don’t matter. It’s only when the bonding is not very strong that negative suggestions call for rebelliousness in the mind.

Sometimes dealing with kids gets so tricky that I tend to lose my patience. Every day I decide to be calm, but when the situation arises I am not able to control myself. What should I do?

You can’t do anything about it now, you have to live life spontaneously. It is okay to sometimes lose your temper, never mind. You should leave a little room for imperfection in life, and start accepting.

Some kids are there to teach you a lot of lessons, and it is okay for mothers and fathers to sometimes get upset with their kids. You don’t have to bring them up with all with sweet words all the time. Then you will make them very weak. I have seen parents who have never scolded their children. These children when they grow old, they can’t stand any criticism. A little criticism, a little disrespect from someone or a little bit of failure rattles them. They become so upset because they never experienced anything like that at home. So, at home, being upset with kids sometimes is like giving them a vaccination so that they get stronger. But don’t take this as an excuse to get upset all the time with the kids, it does not work. Too much of it is also bad. If you are scolding your children every day on a routine basis, they become so thick skinned and they go all the way to the other side, which is also not good. A little dose here and there is okay.


How do I know if my child is into drugs or just moody? 

That’s why it is important for you to know them and their friend circle. You will get to know what they do, where they go and keep a tab on them, especially when they are in their teenage.

Teenage is a very difficult time. Teenagers are undergoing so many biological changes and so they are not just satisfied with the love of their parents. They look for love from outside – through emotional support or physical pleasure. Their mind is in such confusion. So, to deal with teenage children is a big task.

There is so much competition in society that kids have no time to relax. There is a fear that they will not fit into society. How do we handle this situation?

You shouldn’t push them too much. You should teach them to relax. Music, meditation and some games will help. Take some time out to play games with your children, this is very important. 

Tell your children 'Compete with yourself. How you did last year, see whether you are doing better this year', that's healthy competition.


Children don’t care about their parents when they grow up. Where do we fail as parents and what is your advice to parents so that this situation could be controlled?

That is why I say that it is important to instill the three types of trust in your children – trust in oneself, trust in the goodness of others, and trust in the Divine. A little bit of moral and spiritual values, and the way you treat your parents and ask them to treat their grandparents can make an impact on them. From a young age, tell your children to take care of their grandparents. They will start being sensitive this way.


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How to be A Good Parent

When it comes to children, parenting is a sacred responsibility. Our responsibility is not just providing food, shelter,
and education.
We are also responsible for our child's mental outlook, emotions, thought processes and behavior.

Here are 10 tips by
Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
on parenting.








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