In the book “To Forgive is Human”, psychologists Michael McCullough and Steven Sandage argue that “the pursuit of forgiveness allows us to be morally just with others and with ourselves.”
Otherwise, denying our own transgressions can gradually drain our vital energy.And while over-apologizing can damage people’s trust in you, what we’re talking about here is a genuine, heartfelt apology.
Although we can’t press a “delete” button on the hurtful words we’ve said in the heat of an argument, an authentic apology is the path to repairing all broken relationships.
Forgiveness is beneficial for your health
It’s no surprise that forgiving others is also good for your own health!
Forgiveness can lead to lower blood pressure, fewer symptoms of depression, a stronger immune system, and improved heart health.
You may be thinking, “But it’s not easy to forgive!” when memories of past hurt resurface in your mind.But is it easier to go through life feeling bitter and angry?
As Carrie Fisher once said:
“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
Unconditional and Conditional Forgiveness
When Mahatma Gandhi was assassinated, his final act was to raise his hands in prayer.What’s less well known is that there had been six prior attempts on his life.When his future assassin was brought to him, Gandhi responded:
“Forgiveness must always be unconditional.”
More often, however, we wait for the other person to apologize before we forgive.
According to researchers, people who practice this kind of conditional forgiveness are more likely to have a shorter lifespan.
Because people rarely behave the way you want them to, waiting for an apology may actually undermine the foundations of your happiness and health.
Even when we think we’ve forgiven someone, we often still see them as the perpetrator.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar encourages us to look beyond people’s actions:
“When you see the bigger picture — that the wrongdoer is a victim, a victim of their own mind, ignorance, or unawareness — compassion arises within you.”
When Sri Sri mediated peace talks between the Colombian government and the FARC guerrillas in June 2015, he realized that forgiveness would be crucial to ending the brutal 52-year war, which had left 225,000 dead and displaced 7 million people from their homes.
In a country where revenge and retribution had led to massacres, killings, kidnappings, and extortion, peace efforts had reached a standstill.
After listening to Colombian citizens deeply affected by the conflict, Sri Sri advised:
“Causing others to suffer will not make your pain go away.
Revenge — an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth — leads nowhere.
It will only make the whole world blind.”
Forgiveness can help release the anger that comes from identifying yourself as a victim.Healing and reconciliation must go hand in hand, especially if you’ve spent years feeling angry and resentful — emotions that can make the act of forgiveness especially hard.
Understanding this, Sri Sri gave all participants in the Colombian peace process powerful tools such as meditation and breathwork.
Johan Berlin shared:
“Through meditation, Sri Sri seems to strengthen the social and emotional capacity of opposing sides to engage in dialogue — not just through speaking, but through new tools for the mind and body that enhance the ability to manage complex emotions and help people see new possibilities.”
Heal the conflict from within
For most of us, the war zone we live in is inside our own mind.
As long as you see yourself as a sinner, you’ll never find peace with yourself — it’s as if something is eating you from within.And when you adopt the role of the victim, the mind sinks into anger and blame.
Why torment your mind with negative thoughts about those who have hurt you?The law of karma keeps better track of everyone’s actions and intentions than you ever could!Taking responsibility for all your experiences — yes, even the unpleasant ones — makes you strong!
It puts an end to resentment, self-justification, and plots for “payback.”
Free yourself from negativity by forgiving people during your morning meditation.Rebuild broken bridges by calling someone you’ve hurt and sincerely asking for forgiveness.
Martin Luther King Jr. said:“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”If the goal of our life is to express light and love, then forgiveness with compassion is the key to achieving inner peace and freedom.
