Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Q:
I got divorced four years ago and got remarried less than a year ago. I see that the same situations are repeating in my life. Is this karma or am I not able to apply the knowledge?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You will know this better. See what mistakes you are making. Do you have acceptance? Do you serve a person? Why would someone not like to be with you if you are a fountain of joy and enthusiasm? Why would someone not like to be with you if you are full of love and service, if you are hollow and empty, if you are in wisdom and knowledge? Everyone will want to spend time with you. So keep yourself soaked in wisdom day and night.Q:
Please talk on the subject of divorce. When is it a good thing? Or is it always to be avoided?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You should ask yourself, “Have you put your 100% to make the marriage work? Have you done all that you could to please your spouse and make them happy, and still it has not worked?” Marriage means sacrifice. Sacrificing your desires for the good of the other and for the sake of the whole family. If you only keep thinking about your own wants then no marriage will work. You should see what “we” want. How “we” can progress and bring happiness to the family. Only if you keep your attention on that, will the marriage be successful. So if you have done your 100% and still it doesn’t work, and you find that you are totally incompatible, then instead of being in hell and both suffering, with a good understanding you say, "We cannot get along so you walk your way and I walk my way. Let’s be friends and be happy". So, one must part with this understanding. There is no point in living in a furnace all day and all night. But not like this gentleman who said that they had been married for forty years and suddenly after forty years, they realized that they we were never compatible. He is already seventy years old, and has been married for forty years and now he says, "We were never compatible.” Never mind, bear it for another five to ten years. Anyway, they say marriages are made in heaven, so when you go up there, you can resolve it.Q:
Why do relationships take away our freedom?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
If there is wisdom in relationships, it does not take away freedom. If there is no wisdom, then there is no freedom. It is not the relationship that gives or takes away your freedom, it is lack of wisdom.Q:
I think I am addicted to sex. I have no self-control when it comes to sex. I try very hard, but I can’t control myself.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
I think you have too much free time. If you are busy and you work hard, then you will get so tired that you will be waiting to hit the pillow. The moment you hit the pillow you will fall asleep. You either have too much free time or you are eating too much food; then obsessions and addictions come up. Too much food and sex are related. So, keep a watch on your food, keep a watch on your company and keep yourself very busy, especially at the age when the hormones play havoc. If you follow the language of moderation then you will be all right. When you have a goal, or something to achieve, then you do not think about sex. Just ask any student, during exam time are they bombarded with thoughts of sex? They’ll say no. For that whole month when they have to achieve something, their mind is fully focused on it. They have a bundle of books to read and to prepare. So engaging yourself in some creative activity is helpful. Pleasure always makes you run towards it first, and then later on makes you run away from it. This is its nature. First you crave for it and you go towards it, and then later on you go away from it because it becomes too much to handle. Yoga is that which makes you centered, it stabilizes you. When you are stable and centered, if pleasure is there, you enjoy it, if it’s not there, you don’t mind it. It does not occupy your mind. It’s not a craving that bothers you.Q:
How to let go of people who are no more in our life?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Expand your vision about yourself, about life and about this universe. This universe has been there for at least 19 billion years, and it is part of billions of galaxies. One amongst the billion galaxies is our Milky Way. So the Milky Way is actually very small. In the Milky Way, we have our solar system, which is the size of a dot in the Milk Way, and in that, there is our planet Earth, and in that there is you! One would have to take a lens to see you, and by the time they get to see you, you’re already gone (referring to the magnanimity of the universe in comparison with our existence). What is your life in comparison to the creation? In this multi-verse, planet Earth is so insignificant, and you are even more insignificant. Another factor is time. In so many billions of years, billions of people have walked this planet. There are seven billion people on this planet today, and many are being born every day and many are dying. Then what is your life? It’s like a blink of the eye, and you’re already gone! When you see your life from this bigger context, you realize that this is all nothing! You live for 80 years on this planet called Earth. Out of that, 35 years you spend sleeping, 10 years you spend in the bathroom, 10 years you spend eating, 25 years you spend working. The waking period in your life is so small. In that little time what is the point of saying, ‘Me, me, me?’ It is nothing! When you see life from a bigger context all the worries disappear and a new dimension opens up.Q:
Why are we losing our freedom and lightness as soon as a relationship goes deeper?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You don’t need to. A relationship should come from a space of contributing, not demanding, then it will be nurturing. In every relationship, if we think, “What can I take from this person, or get from this person” then it’s going to be very disturbing. But when you come from the attitude that, “I am going to be a part of this person, give whatever I can, and contribute whatever I can, to this person’s life”, then it lasts longer.Q:
How do we curb our desires to watch porn, which is so freely available these days?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Yoga, pranayama, meditation change these tendencies in you. It changes your nature. You know that you are not just the body; you are scintillating spirit. With the help of these practices, you find yourself elevated to another level.Q:
There is so much competition in society that kids have no time to relax. There is a fear that they will not fit into society. How do we handle this situation?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You shouldn’t push them too much. You should teach them to relax. Music, meditation and some games will help. Take some time out to play games with your children, this is very important. Tell your children 'Compete with yourself. How you did last year, see whether you are doing better this year', that's healthy competition.Q:
I am not sure if I am with the right partner. I am getting bored in the relationship. What do I do?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
See, if your relationship is based on personal need, it may not last long. Once the need is fulfilled, on a physical level or on an emotional level, the mind will look for something else and go somewhere else. If your relationship is from the level of sharing, then it can last longer. When you are looking for security, love and comfort from your partner, you become weak. All the negative emotions come up and you become demanding, and demand destroys love. If we just know this one thing, we could save our love from getting rotten.Q:
I have many erotic thoughts, are they harmful?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Never mind, don’t worry! Don’t identify yourself with the thoughts. Thoughts are thoughts, they come and go. As long as you don’t act on them, you are safe. It takes time for your consciousness to be dispassionate and centered so such thoughts don’t occur to your mind. It doesn’t happen right away. You might have noticed, as you practice yoga, meditation and pranayama, these sorts of thoughts are fewer and fewer. Erotic and violent thoughts are fewer and fewer.Founded in 1981 by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, The Art of Living is an educational and humanitarian movement engaged in stress-management and service initiatives.
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