When someone dear to us dies, how to get out of the sorrow?
By knowledge; the Knowledge that, ‘they have gone today, and after some years even we have to go. All of who have come here (on this planet), have come only to depart. All those who have departed, have departed only to come back. This we should think is certain.’
That is why, to those who depart say, ‘you go ahead, I will come later and see you. I will complete my work here and after some years I will meet you’. Saying this, show them the way. Don't sit and keep thinking, ‘Oh no! They have gone away.’
In our nation, they have stated very nicely in our sastras(scriptures), ‘for ten days only you be in that sorrow; forget it on the eleventh day. Leave that and live happily’. They do Rekyam on thirteenth day - it means celebration. There are celebrations on the thirteenth day, wearing new clothes and eating special sweets and snacks (bhakshanam).
And then sesame seed is offered as tarpanam for the departed soul, do you know why?
‘If you have any desires, leave them. It is like sesame seed. Why do you suffer with small desires? Go with satisfaction (tripti)’. That is why they say ‘Tarpanam’ means, ‘may you get tripti. After the leaving the body let the soul (atma) get tripti. Doing tarpanam for mother, father, their parents… Calling out forefathers’ names and saying, ‘be satisfied (tripti); leave small desires that are in your mind. Those will get fructified on their own. It is just like a sesame seed. Don’t worry.’ In those days, mustard and sesame seeds were examples of very small things. An insignificant thing was referred to as sesame seed, in a derogatory sense.
In our country we have had this wonderful custom (sampradaya) of conveying to our forefathers and deceased. In a similar way, (the practice of) ‘giving the pindam’. ‘Pindam’ refers to body. The spirit, that has left the body, will have desire to get another body. At that time, the son, grandson, some relative, or daughter (also allowed) offers ‘pindam’.
‘Don’t worry you will get another body. Go forward. Don’t look back. Obtain bliss. Many more worlds are there to see, so go forward. You will get another body.’ This consolation is giving ‘Pinda’. ‘Be in bliss. Why think of the body? You can be born in our family itself’. It is mostly for satisfying the mind. It is enough if you do meditation. Then it is not necessary to do other things. In meditation, mind is at rest and peaceful, (with) the feeling, ‘I am not this body; I am beyond this body.’ So do meditation without fail.