July 10 2011 QnA 9

Guruji, how to improve people’s skills and communication skills?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

This is important. Talk less, observe more.
Second, don’t put your ideas too much so that the other person doesn’t digest it or take it, got it? Don’t keep pouring your ideas. Sometimes we do that, we pour too much of our ideas. The other person, you don’t even observe whether they’re grasping it,whether they’re understanding it or not.
Third, don’t bore them with your stories of failures or success. Your failure stories will bore others as much as your success stories. Oh I went here, I did this, I did that and the listener will say, ‘Oh my god when will this guy stop’! But in your own mind, there is such a joy that comes to you while talking; you don’t consider the other person’s listening ability at all. We don’t think about their listening ability or their relevance to it. How many of you agree with that? We must watch out for that. And then, instead of telling them what you like, ask them what they want, what do they like. Sometimes we declare all that we like and we dislike.

Who asked you to declare? It’s not an income tax department, asking you to declare your assets or your achievements; we go out of the way to declare all of our achievements, our likes and our dislikes. For a listener,you appear to be a very self centered person, drop this. The more pleasant you are, the more centered you are, you’ll be more liked by people. What do you say? Correct. Be centered and you want nothing from the person.

We, in our mind, we want some recognition from the other, we want some appreciation from others, we want some favor from others. Favor, recognition, or appreciation these are the things that puts a break on you being very friendly with people. In the heart when you say, ‘ I want nothing from this person, I don’t need to be appreciated by them’, then you will see the big shift that happens within you. It’s not out of arrogance that I want nothing from anybody, that’s not arrogance. Do you see what I’m saying? There’s a difference between arrogance and this. In arrogance still you want some recognition, yes? You don’t look for an approval or recognition from them. You should remember that everybody is caught up in their own little world.