12 August 2012 - QA 1

What is the secret behind making a marriage work?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

I think you are asking the wrong person!
There was a gentleman here from Germany and a lady from Italy. Both of them had married several times before. They came here and said, ‘Gurudev, we want your blessings. At least this marriage should work.’

I asked the gentleman if he knew Italian and he said no. I asked the lady if she knew German and she said no. Both of them did not know English. I said, ‘Don’t learn each others language then it will work!’
There is a proverb in Kannada which says, ‘It is only through words that conflicts begin. It is only through words that people have fun. It is only through words that people gain wealth. So, words should be used sparingly.’

Usually, when people have some misunderstanding, they say, ‘Let us talk it out.’
The talk it out does not work at all. We should never talk it out. Just move on, that’s it! Don’t sit and discuss the past. Don’t ask any explanation about the past. When a mistake happens, it happened, that’s it. You should move on.

Just imagine yourself in a position where you do a mistake and someone keeps asking for an explanation about your mistake. It is such a burden to explain to somebody or to justify oneself, right?
Never make the other person feel guilty. This is very important. Anyone whom you make to feel guilty will cease to be your friend somewhere deep inside. The bond of friendship gets loosened.
There is a skill in making a person aware of his mistake without making him feel guilty.
However, the normal tendency in human beings is to make someone feel guilty and then feel happy about it. We have to rise above this normal tendency, and not make someone feel guilty. Then, your relationship will be longstanding.

There is one secret for women and one for men. Maybe this will work if you think about it.
For women, you should never step on the ego of your man.
The whole world may say to a gentleman that he has no brains, but the wife should never say that. She should always say, ‘You are the most intelligent person on the planet. Just the fact that you don’t use your brain does not mean you don’t have it!’
She should always pump his ego. This is very much essential.
If the lady keeps telling her partner, ‘You are good for nothing. You are a vegetable’, he will really become one!

Now, the secret for men – A man should never step on the emotions of a woman. She may complain to you about her brother, or mother, or family, but you should not join the bandwagon. The moment you start nodding at her complaint, she will turn around. Instead of dwelling on her complaints, she will complain about you. She will start turning the wheel around.
And if she wants to go for some religious program, pilgrimage, movie or shopping, just agree and give her the credit card!
So, if you don’t step on the emotion of a woman, everything will be fine.

Now for both of you – Don’t ask proof of the other person’s love for you.
Don’t ask, ’Do you really love me?’ Never give the burden to someone to prove his or her love for you. Do you see what I am saying?
If you find their love for you is less, you should say, ’Why do you love me so much?’ Don’t say, ’You don’t love me’, and things like that.