Search Programs SEARCH
    PROGRAMS

    How do I get rid of my anger?

    Glowing embers slowly cool and fade to ash in the morning light
    Short answer: For Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, getting rid of anger doesn't start with the feeling itself, but with the mental replaying afterward: the short outburst usually isn't the problem — the constant inner repetition is. Behind it often sits an unfulfilled desire. Recognizing that desire, rather than just working on the anger itself, gets you closer to the root.

    What Gurudev says

    You know the feeling: the anger is long over, but in your mind you keep replaying the scene again and again? That's exactly where Gurudev starts. Anger itself, he says, isn't really the problem.

    Anger in itself is not bad. Shiva got angry—He opened His third eye and just burnt it. Mano mātah. But if the anger is in your mind—chewing and chewing—it’s like a cancer; it eats you away.

    From a talk on the Ashtavakra Gita — “Three Types of Purity”, 00:18:15

    From this picture of anger that lingers, Gurudev takes it a step further — back to the root that anger actually grows from.

    Because you can’t deal with anger on the surface level. How can you deal with it? Behind anger is desire. Desire is the cause of anger. Unless you uproot the desire, you can never be free of anger.

    From a talk on the Ashtavakra Gita — “Repose in Being”, 00:03:35

    What happens if this inner mechanism keeps running unchecked? In the book An Intimate Note to the Sincere Seeker, Gurudev describes how it turns into a vicious cycle.

    Rage has no ears, nor does it have vision. It only has a reaction. And reaction leads to regret. Regret causes frustration. Frustration clouds reason. Unreasonable acts provoke rage starting a vicious cycle. Self-knowledge and devotion alone can free you from this vicious cycle.

    From the book “An Intimate Note to the Sincere Seeker” — knowledge sheet 348, “The True Yajña” (6 March 2002, Rishikesh, India)

    That's the thread running through all three passages: anger itself, for Gurudev, isn't a flaw. It only becomes a problem when you keep going over it in your mind, when the unfulfilled desire behind it stays unnoticed, or when an unanswered question turns into a chain reaction. The way out, for him, runs through self-knowledge, not sheer willpower.

    What you can do

    1. Don't keep chewing over the anger in your mind. The outburst itself is often quickly over — it becomes a problem when you keep replaying the scene in your head. Gurudev describes exactly this mental rumination as what turns anger into a real burden.
    2. Ask what desire is behind it. Instead of only working on the anger itself, look at what desire has gone unfulfilled. For Gurudev, that's where the real cause sits — not on the surface.
    3. Watch for self-pity as a warning sign. Someone who feels sorry for themselves, Gurudev observes, is already prepared to hate others — self-pity lays the groundwork for anger, often without you noticing.
    4. Say a sincere word of apology. Gurudev describes how one honest word can dissolve anger, guilt, hatred and distance — a small step with a big effect.
    5. Don't hold on to hatred toward anyone. Where hatred toward someone remains, Gurudev says, fear can creep in alongside it. Letting go, as he describes it, then serves your own peace.

    Frequently asked questions

    How do I let go of what's weighing on me? Gurudev compares feelings we hold onto to a fly trying to fly out of the room on its own while we keep the door shut. Emotional states come and go by themselves — it's only our refusal to let them go that turns them into bondage. He describes the closed fist in a similar way: what you're longing for often comes on its own once you open your hand instead of clenching it.

    How do I process my anger in a healthy way instead of suppressing it? For Gurudev, cultured speech means not using harsh words even at the peak of anger — showing anger is fine when a situation calls for it, just without hurtful words. More importantly: the inner reflex of "this feeling shouldn't be allowed in me" is resistance, and resistance is what makes a feeling stick around. His advice: simply observe it and look deeply into it, instead of fighting it.

    Why do I get angry so quickly? Gurudev explains sudden anger through the image of the five elements: the fire element can flare up the moment someone with agitated energy enters the room — it catches onto you before you even notice what's happening. He describes it more like a weather event than a personal failing. He also calls irritation itself simply the nature of the world of forms — no reason to take it personally.

    How do I deal with anger? Cultured speech, for Gurudev, means no harsh words, even when anger has to be shown. In the story of Janaka, he describes how Janaka realizes he had been fighting his own restlessness the whole time — the turning point comes when he accepts the inner storm as part of nature instead of fighting it, and goes deep into it instead of suppressing it.

    Related questions

    Sources

    The quotes on this page come from:

    • Ashtavakra Gita — “Three Types of Purity” (AG 16), 00:18:15–00:18:43
    • Ashtavakra Gita — “Repose in Being” (AG 20b), 00:03:35–00:03:58
    • An Intimate Note to the Sincere Seeker — “The True Yajña” (knowledge sheet 348, 6 March 2002, Rishikesh, India)