Jealousy & Envy: where they come from and how you can deal with them

An open blossom and a bud stand side by side in the same light

Short answer: For Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, jealousy and envy grow out of a felt sense of separation: you compare yourself with others and feel smaller. At their core, he sees them as a distorted form of love — without love, there would be no envy. The way out isn't suppression, but redirecting your focus, toward generosity instead of possessions.

Where jealousy really comes from

Jealousy rarely starts with the other person. Gurudev traces it back to a felt sense of separation: as soon as you feel separate from others, comparison arises — and out of comparison comes competition, jealousy, discomfort. In the end, that feeling often turns against you.

Then what happens? Your sense of separateness from people causes all these commotions inside you. Then competition arises, jealousy arises, discomfort arises—one after another. And you start blaming yourself: your self-esteem goes down; you think you are bad, you are not right, you are unfit.

From a talk on the Ashtavakra Gita — “Letting Go of Worries”, 00:41:50

That explains why jealousy is so often tied to low self-esteem: it's not just a look at the other person, it's also a verdict on yourself.

Envy as distorted love

As uncomfortable as jealousy feels, Gurudev doesn't see it as a flaw in its own right, but as a distortion of something good: love.

If there was no love on this planet, there would not have been any problem at all. Nobody would be ever jealousy. Nobody would ever be greedy. No one would ever get angry at anything. Anger, greed, jealousy — all the negative emotions we experience — are all shoots of love.

From a talk on the Narada Bhakti Sutras — “Finding Real Communication”, 00:17:36

So where there was no love, there would be no envy either. That doesn't take the sting out of jealousy, but it shows what it's originally attached to.

A shift in perspective: what you can be jealous of

Instead of pushing jealousy away entirely, Gurudev suggests a simple detour: change the direction it's pointing in.

If you want to be jealous, be jealous of generosity— when you find someone more generous than you, you become even more generous than them. Make generosity your competition.

From a talk on the Narada Bhakti Sutras — “The Six Distortions of Love”, 00:08:12

A competition over possessions or success turns into a competition over generosity — a comparison where, in the end, hardly anyone loses.

When jealousy shows up without an obvious reason

Sometimes jealousy appears without any clear trigger in sight. For this case, Gurudev offers an unusual perspective in his knowledge sheets: the idea of karma.

Know that the person of whom you are jealous or envious has done some good karma in the past and is now reaping the fruit. 2.

From the book “An Intimate Note to the Sincere Seeker” — knowledge sheet 216, “How to Conquer Jealousy or Envy” (4 August 1999, European Āshram, Germany)

This thought shifts your gaze away from comparison — toward the possibility that each person's path is their own.

What you can do

Ask yourself what you feel cut off from. Jealousy often arises in exactly the moment you feel separated from someone or something. Recognizing that separation is the first step.
Redirect your comparison. Instead of looking at possessions, success, or looks, turn your attention to qualities like generosity — and let that spur you toward more generosity of your own.
Watch the thought instead of fighting it right away. Negativity like jealousy often mostly wants to be seen. Look at what's really behind it instead of pushing it away immediately.
Consciously share in other people's joy. When friends are doing well, genuinely sharing in that joy is a practice that directly removes the ground jealousy stands on.
Remember: each person's path is different. What falls into someone else's lap right now says nothing about what you lack or deserve.

Questions on this topic

Sources

The quotes on this page come from:

Ashtavakra Gita — “Letting Go of Worries” (AG 21), 00:41:50–00:42:19
Narada Bhakti Sutras — “Finding Real Communication” (BS 20), 00:17:36–00:18:47
Narada Bhakti Sutras — “The Six Distortions of Love” (BS 14), 00:08:12–00:08:30
An Intimate Note to the Sincere Seeker — “How to Conquer Jealousy or Envy” (knowledge sheet 216, 4 August 1999, European Āshram, Germany)