Self-Doubt & Self-Worth: how to stop making yourself small

A young shoot grows upright from a crack in weathered stone

Short answer: For Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, self-doubt and self-worth are not about finally becoming flawless — they are about learning to stop judging yourself. A mistake does not make you a bad person, and comparing yourself with others says nothing about your worth. Your worth is not something you have to earn.

The first step of self-judgment

A mistake happens — and right away comes the inner sentence: "I'm just a bad person." For Gurudev, that sentence is the real problem, not the mistake itself. He compares this self-judgment to an application you tear up before you've even sent it.

Don’t judge yourself: “I’m a bad person, I’m not disciplining” — that’s not necessary. Never say that you are a bad person. You are disqualifying in your very first step. You are tearing down your own application — ripping it off before it’s even submitted. If you say you are a bad person, you are not bad.

From a talk on the Ashtavakra Gita — "Introduction & Qualifications", 00:29:48

Seeing a mistake and calling yourself bad are two completely different things for Gurudev. One you can correct. The other cuts off your way there before you even start.

The comparison that makes you unhappy

Self-doubt often doesn't start with you at all — it starts with looking at someone else: what they've achieved, how easy it looks for them. Gurudev makes it clear that this comparison isn't a neutral glance. It's something that actively creates unhappiness.

You have a special place, you know, don't compare yourself with others. This is another thing, no? Your mind can become very unhappy about this.

From a talk on the Ashtavakra Gita — "Everything is God", 00:07:30

The special place Gurudev talks about isn't a comforting pat on the back. It's a reminder that comparison tends to measure your own path by someone else's ruler.

When knowing something doesn't make you feel it

Sometimes the problem isn't that you haven't heard the right words about yourself yet. You may have heard them plenty of times — that you're good, that you're worth something — and still not feel it. Gurudev names this gap between knowing and feeling openly, instead of brushing it aside.

Should they say, then: “You are pure.” You have heard you are pure. Still you feel you are a sinner. You have heard, you are so beautiful. Still you feel you are very ugly. You have heard so many times. You are beautiful. But you don't feel yourself very beautiful.

From a talk on the Ashtavakra Gita — "Give Everything and Take Nothing", 00:33:19

That's not a sign something is wrong with you. It just shows that knowing alone is rarely enough — the feeling of your own worth often needs more than a single sentence you hear once.

Humility is not the same as feeling small

One misunderstanding feeds a lot of self-doubt: the idea that being modest means making yourself small. Gurudev separates the two clearly — being humble toward others and feeling less worthy are, for him, two completely different inner states.

There are two things: one is being humble; another is feeling low—it’s very different. None of our practitioners, teachers, devotees, or sadhaks here— Should feel low at any cost in front of anybody—but be very humble in front of everyone.

From a talk on the Ashtavakra Gita — "Be Happy and Dispassionate", 00:17:56

Someone who doesn't need to feel small in front of anyone, and can still stay humble no matter who they're with, has both at once for Gurudev: self-respect and openness to others — without one canceling out the other.

What you can do

Separate the mistake from how you see yourself. When something goes wrong, describe exactly what happened instead of turning it into a verdict on who you are. "That went wrong" is different from "I am bad."
Ask yourself what standard you're measuring against right now. When a comparison with someone else rises up in you, pause for a moment. The standard you're measuring yourself by is often more arbitrary than it feels.
Give the feeling time to catch up with what you know. If something true about you doesn't feel true yet, that's not a contradiction. Some things need repetition and experience, not just a single thought.
Tell humility apart from putting yourself down. Being polite and open is no reason to make yourself small. You can meet someone with respect without underestimating yourself in the process.
Talk to yourself the way you'd talk to someone who matters to you. Before you think a harsh sentence about yourself, ask whether you'd say it to someone close to you too.

Questions on this topic

Sources

The quotes on this page come from:

Ashtavakra Gita — "Introduction & Qualifications" (AG 01), 00:29:48–00:31:10
Ashtavakra Gita — "Everything is God" (AG 07b), 00:07:30–00:07:44
Ashtavakra Gita — "Give Everything and Take Nothing" (AG 11), 00:33:19–00:33:44
Ashtavakra Gita — "Be Happy and Dispassionate" (AG 18), 00:17:56–00:18:34