Gurudev, I am getting married soon but I have this one botheration. For the past 6 months I have had many fights with my fiancé and I am not sure if I should continue this relationship.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Now, you stop demanding love from the person. If you demand love or ask proof of their love, you are destroying it. How can someone prove their love to you? You should not burden the person. Suppose, someone asks you every day, ‘Are you honest? Are you honest?’ What will you feel? Bad right? Similarly, if you keep asking someone, ‘Do you really love me?’ How will the person feel? The burden to prove one’s love is a very big. Your fiancé is coming to you to find comfort, and instead of giving the person comfort, you make him miserable. You should stop demanding love. Love should be given and not demanded.
Take it for granted that we you both have good understanding and then understanding will grow. If you question or doubt the understanding, it will start crumbling. All these things are stupid things to do. Your feelings need not be the football of others opinions. You should be independent of the way you feel. When you feel his attention towards you has reduced, just say, ‘I know you love me too much. Why do you love me so much!’ Then the person will feel better and their whole tone will change to the way you want it to be. Isn’t that want you want to hear? For that you should not blame the other. When you throw blame, blame will come back to you. If you show humility and throw compliments on the other person, that will bounce back to you. Always give compliments and you will see that comes back to you many folds, and if you throw blame, it will come back to you. This is the law of attraction. Whatever you throw bounces back onto you.
Gurudev, according to you what is easier, becoming a Guru or or becoming a disciple?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Easy or difficult is just a concept. Anything is difficult when you don’t have energy, anything is easy when you are full of enthusiasm and energy. You ask someone who is sick and tired, ‘Do you want to walk a mile?’ They will say, ‘Oh, it is so difficult.’ You ask a young person who is full of energy and enthusiasm, ‘Do you want to walk one kilometer?' They will say, 'I will run 10 kilometers!’ You want to stretch yourself beyond your capabilities and limits only when you have energy, when you’re vibrant and enthusiastic. When you’re enthusiastic you are automatically a disciple because you want to know more, and when you’re enthusiastic you’re automatically a Guru because you want to share what you know and care for others.
When you’re sick and tired of everybody, when you can’t care for others, how can you be a Guru for others? So, it all depends on your energy level. This need not be only physical energy. You cannot say, ‘Oh, I am 70 years old and now I don’t have the energy.’ No! The physical energy has nothing to do with your enthusiasm! You can be physically sick but mentally alert. This is when you can be both a Guru and a disciple, and both will be easy for you.
I know people who are 80-90 and who are so enthusiastic. They ask me ‘What seva can I do?’ I say, ‘You just sit and bless people!’ Young people don’t say, 'What seva can I do', but the elderly come and tell me, 'I want to do some seva'. Physically they can’t do much, but the intention to do more indicates how youthful they are. It is the youthfulness of your spirit that determines whether something is difficult or something is easy. So, if the spirit in you is youthful then you are an eternal disciple, and an eternal teacher too.
Gurudev, you have said that one pointed focus is needed for liberation. Terrorists also have one-pointed focus, can they get enlightened too?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You cannot generalize with terrorists. In that too there are many varieties and attitudes. Some do it for money, some do it with wrong understanding that this is what God wants them to do. So don’t generalize terrorists into one category. And, with something like liberation, you cannot say that a terrorist can get liberated. At the same time you can’t even deny it; it may be a possibility. Ravana got liberated. Saddam Hussain may also have gotten liberated. Prabhakaran from LTTE may also have gotten liberated. We don’t know! People who followed Prabhakaran thought he was a great person and has attained liberation.
Lenin and Stalin who are considered great leaders, if you look into their actions, so many people have died because of them, you will not be able to call them leaders. 10 million people died because of the communist revolution in Russia. They may be considered heroes in Kerala, but in many parts of Russia, they are considered criminals. That is why they changed the names of the Lenin Gods now to St. Petersburg. You cannot ask such a generalized questions. I will leave it to the historians and psychologists to look into their mind-sets.
In life you will have 101 reasons to get frustrated. However it is up to you keep the enthusiasm alive without allowing the frustration to seep in. Here are some pointers to help you keep frustration at bay.