Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
It could be, or it could also be biological.
You are made up of both, male and female, chromosomes. If the female chromosomes in you are active, but the body is male, then the tendencies can change. However, it is not for a lifetime. These tendencies may come for some time, and disappear. You can see many people who are straight, suddenly turn gay. And many people who are gay for a long time, they start getting married. I have seen all these different permutations, combinations, mindsets in people. So, it is best not to label yourself.
Sometimes, people force themselves to fit into particular categories. They say, ‘Okay, I am lesbian’, or, ‘I am gay’, and when these tendencies change, they get shattered later on. Sometimes, people become so homophobic that they start hating people with such tendencies, which is no good.
My advice would be to get out of labeling yourself based on some tendency of the body. Know that you are consciousness. You are love. You are scintillating energy. Your identification as energy, as love, and as a beautiful person is far, far better than identifying and labeling yourself with the physical tendencies that may arise in you.
When such tendencies come, you don't have to feel bad or guilty or anything. That is how it is! Accept it! It is a phenomenon in nature - there are different male or female tendencies, or emotions or attractions that are arising within you. There is nothing wrong about it.
You have to go beyond that! Beyond that is the spirit.
The spirit has no gender, it is beyond gender. The spirit is love, and that is what you are.
When you know this, you become very solid.
Dear Gurudev, how to manage a woman who is irritated at me for everything! Please help, I love her very much.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
I am so inexperienced in this matter! You are asking a wrong person!
What do you do with a person who is irritated at you, and you love them so much? I guess you have to just accept it, and simply move on.
There is a story of a gentleman who was so bothered by his wife. Everything she did, was the opposite of what he wanted. If he said, 'I do not want to eat pasta today', she ensured he had only pasta that day.
If he said, 'I don’t like blue jeans’, she made sure that she wore blue jeans that day.
Anything he asked of her, she did just the opposite. If he said, 'I don’t want to go out', she would say, 'No, I want to go out'. When he would want to go out, she would say, 'I don't want to step out of the house!'
He was so bothered, so worried, and had a very long face.
One morning, as he went for a walk, he bumped into a Guru. The Guru asked him, 'My dear, are you happy? You don’t look happy. What do you want?'
The man said, 'I have a big problem. Anything I say, my wife does just the opposite.’
So the wise man whispered something in his ears.
Three months later, as the man was walking happily one morning, he bumped into the Guru again. The Guru said, 'Hey, you look happier!'
He said, 'Yes, your trick worked.’
Now what was the trick?
The Guru advised him, 'Don’t speak your heart to your wife. Whatever you want, say the opposite of it! If you want to go out, tell her that you don’t want to step out of the house. If you want apple pie, tell her not to make apple pie. If you don’t want her to wear blue jeans, tell her to wear blue jeans that day.’
The man said to the Guru, 'I did what you said, and it worked. I say the opposite of everything I want, and we are happy now'.
Similarly, you find out what would make her happy, and keep her from getting irritated.
Sometimes, it becomes people’s nature to be irritated. They keep complaining, come what may. No matter what you do, they will find something to complain about. Especially after they cross the age of 70 or 80, it is even more. Since all their life they have programmed their mind and brain in such a manner - complain, complain, complain, and complain. Then it becomes the prominent behavioral pattern in their life.
You simply have to swallow it. Accept it. And don’t try to please them.
Your biggest difficulty is that you try to please people, when they are actually happy in their complaining mode. You try to change them, make them happy, and it doesn’t work! You should simply let them do what they want, but don’t let their complaints enter into your head. You don’t complain that they are complaining. Got it? At any cost, save your mind.
If others are complaining, let it be! If you cannot correct them, you simply accept them, and move on.
See there isn’t much time! Everything is moving towards the final end; we are all moving towards death. How long can you go on trying to placate somebody? That does not mean you be rude to anybody. You be nice to people, however, don't get stuck, ‘Oh, they are irritated, what do I do?’ You can’t do much! Keep walking!
I find this problem everywhere, in every part of the world. Almost in every home, there is somebody who irritates everybody, and everybody gets irritated by somebody. Then there is a war of words. That is why I said the world is such! That is why it is called maya, it appears to be something, and it is really not that.
I have so much fear of my own death and of my loved ones. Please suggest something to overcome this fear.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Nothing at all! Just be with the fear, and see how it evaporates. It is like a bubble. You try to get rid of fear, and it increases even more. Just breathe. Kriya and meditation are good enough. And all this wisdom is good enough to take you out of it.
How can we remove the physical desires that harm us and our relationships?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
By enhancing your prana.
When there is lust, there is a feeling of wanting to grab. When there is love, there is a feeling of wanting to give.
How can the feeling of lust be transformed to love? By raising the energy level in our system.
When energy is stuck in the lower chakra (two-three inches above the base of the spine), there is a feeling of lust. However, when the energy channels open up, the energy rises. Then there is more love, compassion, awareness. All these other beautiful, finer emotions also get opened up. Then violence disappears from the system.
In life you will have 101 reasons to get frustrated. However it is up to you keep the enthusiasm alive without allowing the frustration to seep in. Here are some pointers to help you keep frustration at bay.