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    Can you really learn resilience?

    Potted seedlings stand in a row, each a little taller
    Short answer: Yes, says Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: your reaction to painful or awkward moments is often more habit than an inevitable response — like his grandmother, who simply laughed after a fall instead of crying. Life's tests, too, are not a threat for him but a chance to recognize that you're already strong enough.

    What Gurudev says

    You know the feeling: you trip, you fall — and before you've even had time to think, there's already the shock, maybe even anger at yourself? Gurudev tells a story from his own family that shows this reaction isn't the only option.

    She had a hefty body and would quickly come from her room, and many times she would trip and fall flat on the ground. But when she fell on the ground, she would sit up and laugh and laugh and laugh. No doubt it was great fun for us.

    From a talk on the Ashtavakra Gita — “You Are Free Right Now”, 00:17:23

    And what about the bigger tests in life, not just a fall? Gurudev shifts the perspective there too.

    Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Know that every test in an opportunity for you to grow. Don't take it as a test! A test is not to know whether you are strong or not, but it for you to realize that 'Yes, I am strong'. God is not ignorant that he needs to check and see whether you have the strength or not. God already knows your capacity; nature knows your capacity. The tests are for you to realize that you are strong . If you find that you are going through testing times , it is for you to realize that you are much bigger and you can overcome that. It is for your own knowledge.

    From the official Art of Living website — “Every test is an opportunity for you to grow” (Jul 14 2014)

    That's the answer to whether resilience can be learned: your automatic reaction — fear, anger, despair — is usually a learned habit, not your true nature. And because it's a habit, that very reaction can also change over time.

    What you can do

    1. Watch your automatic reaction before you follow it. Next time something small goes wrong, take one second to notice it before anger or self-criticism take over.
    2. Ask yourself during a test: what does this show me about my strength? Instead of just getting through the situation, try reading it as something that shows you who you are.
    3. Deliberately practice a different response. When something goes wrong, try — like Gurudev's grandmother — a laugh instead of a sigh. It won't work every time, but the practice itself is what counts.
    4. Remember: the reaction is learned, not innate. That's exactly what makes it changeable. Whatever you've practiced for years, you can practice differently.

    Frequently asked questions

    How can I strengthen my resilience? Gurudev teaches that a bigger context in life — self-knowledge — can take away the power of emotions, situations, and other people's reactions to shake you. He uses the image of a candle flame that keeps pointing upward no matter how you turn the candle — an encouragement to keep your own spirit and enthusiasm alive through setbacks.

    How can I be happy even when life isn't going perfectly? Gurudev points out that hardly anyone on this planet is truly unhappy all the time — otherwise unhappiness would be your very nature, and you wouldn't even recognize it as unhappiness. In a story about a storm that half-destroyed a hut, the disciple raged at God while the master danced for joy that half the hut — and their lives — had been spared. Two completely different reactions to the very same loss.

    How can I notice the positive things in everyday life more? Gurudev gives a direct, practical instruction: grab every opportunity in life to be grateful, instead of grabbing every opportunity to complain. This one shift alone, he says, makes grumbling, misery and sorrow disappear from life. The moments you've truly lived, he says, are the ones where you sing, speak of the blessings in your life, and shed tears of gratitude — not the moments spent complaining.

    What makes a resilient person? Gurudev says a wise person stays happy even in bad times, while a foolish person is unhappy even in good times. He also tells of a man who aggressively shouted "Satan!" at him during a talk in Los Angeles — instead of reacting, Gurudev simply looked at him calmly, and within a few minutes the man's aggression dissolved into an apology.

    Related questions

    Sources

    The quotes on this page come from:

    • Ashtavakra Gita — “You Are Free Right Now” (AG 05), 00:17:23–00:19:07
    • Official Art of Living website — “Every test is an opportunity for you to grow” (Jul 14 2014)