How can I strengthen my resilience?

What Gurudev says

You know the feeling: something small throws you completely off balance, and afterward you wonder, why did that even happen? Gurudev says it comes down to how narrow or wide your view of life is.

This is why it is important for one to have a larger context to life. When you have a larger context, all these trivial things don’t really bother you. They are all like waves on the surface of the ocean, they rise and fall. So, have a bigger context to life; that is the knowledge of the self. When you go deeper into the self, you realize that nothing can shake you because you are much bigger than your emotions, your situations and the people around you.

From the official Art of Living website — “Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar”

And when that bigger context wobbles — when your enthusiasm hits rock bottom? Gurudev has an image for that, one he likes to use himself.

When you turn the candle upside down, still the flame always goes up. In life also, so many incidences will come where your enthusiasm is put down; your spirit goes down. At that time remember ‘I am like the candle and I will come out of this. Nothing whatsoever can stop my spirit and enthusiasm.’ Move on like that. Life force should always go up.

From the official Art of Living website — “The Best Gift Is Wisdom” (Apr 1 2012)

And what if you genuinely have nothing to smile about right now? Gurudev makes it clear that this exact moment is the one that matters most.

There is nothing great in smiling when everything is normal, and when everything is going the way you want. But if you awaken the valor inside of you, and say, ‘Come what may, I am going to keep smiling’, you will notice tremendous energy just rises from within you.

From the official Art of Living website — “Inside A Bad Person There Is A Good Person Hiding” (May 16 2012)

There's the thread running through all of this: for Gurudev, resilience doesn't start with a technique. It starts with a bigger view of yourself — and with the conscious decision to lift your own spirit back up, especially when it's down.

What you can do

1. Deliberately look for a bigger context. When something small knocks you off course, ask yourself: how big is this really, measured against your whole life?
2. Remember the image of the candle. When your spirit sinks, tell yourself consciously: "I am like the candle — my flame rights itself again."
3. Choose to smile, especially when it's hard. According to Gurudev, choosing to keep smiling through difficult moments noticeably brings more inner energy.
4. Go deeper than the surface. Instead of only reacting to emotions and situations, practice reconnecting again and again with your deeper self.

Frequently asked questions

How do I deal with rejection without being crushed by it? Gurudev reminds you that you're like a diamond that can't really be cut or damaged — attempts to hurt you often just bring more of your inner shine to the surface. He also explains that what "collapses" inside you at an insult is really a contraction of your own consciousness. Once you understand that mechanism, hardly anyone can take your smile away.

How do I overcome the fear of failure while pursuing my goals? Gurudev advises letting go of the past and recognizing that you don't fully know yourself yet — holding on to your own failures and weaknesses is exactly what feeds self-doubt and fear. Letting go, on the other hand, opens the door to more confidence. He also points out that believing something is "too hard" is often just an excuse — what's really needed is desire and will.

How do I deal with feeling inner emptiness and a lack of drive? Gurudev gives a concrete practice for a bad day: instead of waiting until you feel good enough to serve others, he says the very day you feel hopeless is the right day to ask someone, "What can I do for you?" He also points out that staying purposefully busy leaves little room for complaint or low mood, while too much idle time tends to feed unhappiness.

How do I become wiser in life? Gurudev offers a formula for wise living: see the past as destiny, to avoid regret, and the future as free will, to avoid procrastinating — while you live in the present. Wisdom, for him, is also not a matter of age but of perception, observation and expression: it comes simply from paying close attention to your own life and the lives of others.

Related questions

• What makes a resilient person?
• How are resilience and inner composure connected?
• What inner practices strengthen resilience?
• What is the difference between resilience and suppressing your feelings?
• How do I develop inner strength in difficult times?
• Resilience — overview

Sources

The quotes on this page come from:

• Official Art of Living website — “Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar”
• Official Art of Living website — “The Best Gift Is Wisdom” (Apr 1 2012)
• Official Art of Living website — “Inside A Bad Person There Is A Good Person Hiding” (May 16 2012)