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    Stress & Inner Restlessness: what's really going on inside you

    In a bowl of water, stirred-up sand settles and the surface clears
    Short answer: For Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, stress and inner restlessness aren't an outside problem — they're an inner state that grows stronger the more you fight it. Like a muddy pond that only gets murkier when you stir it, restlessness grows through resistance. Calm doesn't come from effort — it comes from no longer fighting what's already there in you.

    Why fighting it makes restlessness worse

    When something in you feels restless, the first reflex is often to go straight at it — sort out the thoughts, push the feeling away, somehow get rid of the restlessness. Gurudev warns against exactly that. He compares this attempt to stirring a muddy pond with a stick while complaining about how muddy it is.

    It’s like a pond is muddy — and you notice, “Oh, this pond is muddy,” and you keep stirring it with a stick, saying, “Oh, it’s muddy.” It's bound to become more muddy. There is no way it can settle down.

    From a talk on the Ashtavakra Gita — "You Are Not the Doer", 00:40:03

    The more attention and energy you put into fighting the restlessness, the less chance it has to settle on its own. For Gurudev, calm doesn't begin with more effort — it begins with less.

    What inner restlessness actually feels like

    Inner restlessness is rarely just a thought — it often feels like a fire that simply won't stop burning. Gurudev describes exactly this feeling without playing it down, and at the same time points to where the real catch is.

    You feel as though in a burning furnace, and you don't know how to put out this fire, It’s like coconut oil — burning wealth. It's burning in you, in and out. And the more effort you make it to cool it down, to put it down, the more the fire comes, the more the restlessness, the more the agitation.

    From a talk on the Ashtavakra Gita — "Storms of Emotions", 00:04:40

    The catch isn't the fire itself — it's the attempt to force it out. The more you fight it, the more you feed it — a pattern a lot of people recognize from stressful moments.

    The conflict raging inside you

    Sometimes inner restlessness can't be traced back to a single event. Gurudev describes a conflict that runs deeper: the mind wants things that contradict each other at the same time — closeness and freedom, recognition and independence, security and change.

    niddhanvasya — no conflict inside; your mind is not undergoing conflict at every step. The mind is trying to hold on to its identity, its respect, its prestige — and it wants both love and respect — conflict between love and respect, between intimacy and fight, between renunciation and desire, wanting and not wanting. Ideas, concepts — good, bad, right, wrong — all these arise inside you, opposing each other and creating inner war.

    From a talk on the Ashtavakra Gita — "Drop All Conflicts", 00:09:53

    This inner contradiction explains why restlessness is sometimes there even when everything on the outside seems fine: the conflict isn't out there, it's between contradictory wishes inside your own head.

    What you can do with a racing mind

    So what do you do when a thought or a feeling just won't stop occupying you? Gurudev's answer is surprisingly light: not a fight, but a smile — a way to stay in touch with a racing mind without taking it more seriously than it deserves.

    you simply smile at it, and you relax. There is no other way to fight it — because if you fight, it only grows stronger. I think — smile instead. Smile at it: Oh, these are saṅkalpas, these are vikalpas. These are just thoughts — what do they mean? This entire existence? Nothing.

    From a talk on the Ashtavakra Gita — "Uncovering Bliss", 00:12:18

    A thought you meet with a smile often loses weight on its own. Not because it's gone, but because you're no longer giving it the whole stage.

    What you can do

    1. Stop fighting the restlessness. When you notice you're restless inside, don't try to push the feeling away right away. Watch it as it is, without jumping in to fix it.
    2. Let the feeling be there instead of judging it. An agitated state often grows stronger when you also label it "wrong" or "bad." Just notice what's there right now.
    3. Ask yourself which two things inside you are actually in conflict. Do you want calm and excitement at the same time, closeness and distance? Naming the contradiction often already takes some of its power away.
    4. Smile at intrusive thoughts instead of fighting them. A light inner smile changes your relationship to the thought — it might still be there, but it pulls you along less.
    5. Give the stirring a break. If you notice you're putting a lot of energy into trying to control the restlessness, pause for a moment. Sometimes what's needed is simply doing nothing.

    Questions on this topic

    Sources

    The quotes on this page come from:

    • Ashtavakra Gita — "You Are Not the Doer" (AG 04a), 00:40:03–00:40:56
    • Ashtavakra Gita — "Storms of Emotions" (AG 10), 00:04:40–00:05:17
    • Ashtavakra Gita — "Drop All Conflicts" (AG 14), 00:09:53–00:11:03
    • Ashtavakra Gita — "Uncovering Bliss" (AG 32), 00:12:18–00:12:44