How can I become calmer inside?

What Gurudev says

You know the moment: you're lying in bed at night, the day is over — and still everything keeps spinning inside you? You want it to stop, but that very wanting keeps you even more awake. Gurudev says this is no coincidence. That's exactly where the reason restlessness holds on so stubbornly lies.

It’s like a pond is muddy — and you notice, “Oh, this pond is muddy,” and you keep stirring it with a stick, saying, “Oh, it’s muddy.” It's bound to become more muddy. There is no way it can settle down.

From a talk on the Ashtavakra Gita — “You Are Not the Doer”, 00:40:03

Every attempt to force the restlessness away is, for Gurudev, itself another form of doing — and that very doing keeps it alive. What's true for the muddy pond is just as true for your mind: leave it alone, and it settles on its own.

It gets even more surprising when you look closer at what you're actually searching for. Gurudev makes it clear: it's not only fighting restlessness that creates more restlessness — even simply wanting peace can make you restless.

You want peace — but you have become restless by wanting peace. You want everybody to be peaceful, every situation to be peaceful — yet you have created a big turmoil inside you. How is it possible? Peace comes from within — not from without. If you are peaceful, your surroundings become peaceful; your situation becomes peaceful.

From a talk on the Ashtavakra Gita — “Storms of Emotions”, 00:31:37

The mistake most people make: expecting peace from outside — from the situation, from other people, from circumstances. Gurudev turns that around: he describes your surroundings as changing with your own inner peace, not the other way round.

And where exactly does this restlessness actually start? Gurudev points to something very simple: where your mind likes to hang out most.

If you observe your mind, it's either in the past or in the future. Do you see that? We regret the past and anxious about the future.

From a talk on the Narada Bhakti Sutras — “Compassion & Trust”, 00:07:48

Watch yourself for a moment: how often are you really, truly right here, right now? Most of the time you're regretting something from yesterday or worrying about tomorrow — and this constant swinging between past and future is, for Gurudev, the real source of inner restlessness. You don't become calmer by doing more or wanting more, but by no longer fighting the moment you're actually in.

What you can do

1. Stop stirring the restlessness. When you notice something inside you is stirred up, don't rush to make it go away. Every forced attempt to clear the muddy pond only stirs it up more. Just let the restlessness be there without fighting it — often it settles on its own.
2. Let go of wanting peace. Notice when you become restless yourself simply because you want calm so badly. According to Gurudev, peace doesn't come from craving it, but from simply being peaceful right now — and that spreads to what's around you too.
3. Tell intention apart from craving. Ask yourself, with whatever you're trying to achieve: is there calm clarity behind it, or feverish rush? Gurudev says it's not the goal itself that makes you restless, but the hurry to get there right away. Take the rush out of it.
4. Bring your mind back to now. Notice that you're regretting something from yesterday or worrying about tomorrow? Then you're not really here right now. Just observe that without judging yourself, and gently bring your attention back to what's happening right now.
5. Don't take your mood swings personally. Sometimes you're balanced, sometimes irritable — that often has less to do with you than you think, and more with completely natural inner fluctuations. Once you know that, you stop turning every mood into a drama that throws you off even more.

Frequently asked questions

How can I become more calm and composed? Gurudev says composure isn't a skill you first have to earn — it's your actual nature, something nobody can take from you. The goal isn't to become stress-free, but to recognize that underneath the surface, you already are. Every storm of feeling passes like wind — and what remains after it, the stillness, is your true nature: love.

How do I find inner peace? For Gurudev, calm isn't something you get from outside or have to create — it's your very own nature, unchanging and untouchable. Searching desperately for peace only creates new restlessness through that very searching. If you are peaceful, your surroundings become peaceful too. So the way inward doesn't run through effort, but through recognizing what's already there.

How can I relax when I can't switch off? Trying to force yourself to relax is, according to Gurudev, itself just another form of doing — and that's exactly what keeps restlessness alive, the same way stirring a muddy pond only makes it muddier. Stress can feel like a fire consuming everything: the harder you try to put it out right away, the fiercer it burns. Just let it be — then it cools down on its own.

How do I get rid of my stress? Gurudev notices a strange pattern in the mind: you barely let pleasant moments in, and they're gone again quickly. Unpleasant things, on the other hand, you chew over again and again — simply out of habit, clinging harder to the heavy stuff than to the light stuff. Getting rid of stress starts with noticing that habit: you don't have to give the unpleasant more room than the good.

Related questions

• How can I become more calm and composed?
• How do I find inner peace?
• What helps immediately against inner restlessness?
• Stress & Inner Restlessness — overview

Sources

The quotes on this page come from:

• Ashtavakra Gita — “You Are Not the Doer” (AG 04a), 00:40:03–00:40:56
• Ashtavakra Gita — “Storms of Emotions” (AG 10), 00:31:37–00:32:01
• Narada Bhakti Sutras — “Compassion & Trust” (BS 19), 00:07:48–00:08:00