What can I do about loneliness?

What Gurudev says

You know the feeling: you're sitting in a crowded room, surrounded by people — and something inside you still feels empty and disconnected. Gurudev starts right there, with that feeling, not with how many people are around you, but with the inner quality you bring to yourself and to others.

The third aspect is compassion which defines humanness. In absence of which, life appears dry and meaningless. While compassion towards others is essential, compassion towards one’s own self is equally important. It also creates an environment where people feel heard and included thus mitigating the adverse impact of loneliness.

From Gurudev's wisdom archive — “Creating a Happy World through Peace” (2023-10-28)

But there are other moments too: the evenings alone at home, the feeling of being totally cut off. Here Gurudev suggests something that might sound unfamiliar at first: don't fight it, rest instead.

When you feel completely disconnected, do not fight or struggle to feel connected. Rest. It is like when you sleep, you remain totally disconnected from even the closest people. You do not get to take anybody else into the sleep state with you. You go there alone.

From Gurudev's wisdom archive — “Be your own Best Friend” (2024-08-05)

And then Gurudev goes a step further: for him, feeling disconnected isn't the last word. He speaks of a connection far bigger than the people right around you.

That is when you know that the universe feels you, the big mind never loses sight of you and you are not alone. The whole world belongs to you.

From Gurudev's wisdom archive — “You are the Universe” (2023-06-10)

So for Gurudev, the feeling of loneliness doesn't only depend on how many people are around you — it depends on how you relate to yourself inside. Compassion for yourself, resting instead of fighting in the disconnected moment, and knowing about a bigger connection — for him, these are three layers of the same path.

What you can do

1. Practice compassion for yourself, not just for others. According to Gurudev, compassion is what defines our humanness — and it doesn't start with others, it starts with you. Where you meet yourself with warmth, an inner climate forms that carries outward too: you feel more heard and included, and that can soften the weight of loneliness.
2. Don't fight the moment of disconnection — rest instead. When you feel totally cut off, Gurudev says you don't have to fight it. You're allowed to rest, much like in sleep, which you enter alone anyway.
3. Accept the disconnection with a smile, and meditate. Instead of getting sad when you feel the disconnection, Gurudev suggests accepting it with a smile and meditating. From that, a sense of centeredness can arise — and a strength that comes from deep within you.
4. Look for people you truly share something with. To come out of loneliness, Gurudev says the best thing is to make friends with people who have something in common with you. He points out himself that it's rare to find friends in knowledge who uplift each other — which makes it all the more worth seeking out.
5. Remember the bigger connection that holds you. Gurudev describes a moment when you sense that the universe feels you and the big mind doesn't lose sight of you. This knowing can help you feel less alone, even when no one else is nearby.

Frequently asked questions

How do I cope with loneliness when I live alone? Gurudev suggests meeting the feeling of complete disconnection not with a fight, but by accepting it the way you accept sleep, which you enter alone anyway. Instead of resisting, you're allowed to rest. Accept the disconnection with a smile and meditate: this way you can become centered, and strength can rise up from within you.

How do I open myself up to other people again? Gurudev describes the way out of loneliness as making friends with people who share something in common with you. He openly admits that it's rare to find friends in knowledge who uplift each other — but that's exactly what's worth seeking: people you exchange with in a way that really carries you, not just surface-level acquaintance.

What is the Self in the spiritual sense? For Gurudev, inner peace isn't a state you first have to reach or become — it's your innate nature. He describes the real goal of practice not as becoming stress-free, but as recognizing that underneath the surface disturbance, you're already stress-free — visible once false self-images and tension fall away.

How do I build a supportive social network? Gurudev offers a simple test: notice whether you feel light, encouraged and inspired after time with someone — or more doubtful, drained and low. That feeling, not the person's words, shows you what kind of company you're keeping. Be with happy people to become happier yourself — someone who complains all the time tends to rub off on you.

Related questions

• How do I tell the difference between loneliness and the need to be alone?
• How do I build a supportive social network?
• How do I overcome loneliness?
• Why do I feel lonely even though I have people around me?
• How do I make new friends as an adult?
• Loneliness — overview

Sources

The quotes on this page come from:

• Gurudev's wisdom archive — “Creating a Happy World through Peace” (2023-10-28)
• Gurudev's wisdom archive — “Be your own Best Friend” (2024-08-05)
• Gurudev's wisdom archive — “You are the Universe” (2023-06-10)