What Is Ego?
Ego is that part of you that says, “I am something, I am somebody, I am very great” or “I am not so great, I am not so evolved, I am a fool” – this is also ego!
Ego is a sense of lack of belonging. When you don’t feel a sense of belongingness to everyone around you, a wall comes in between you and somebody. Then you want to impress them. So you try to present yourself as something you may or may not truly be. Then, stress or tension gets created in your nervous system. That is called ego.
You can have many definitions of ego. But this is one of the main definitions, what we consider as problematic ego is this feeling of separation, feeling of rejection, feeling of separate identity from existence, a state of non-relaxation.
Is Ego the Same As Self-Esteem?
Often, one confuses ego with self-esteem. But they are different. Ego needs the other for comparison; self-esteem is just confidence in oneself. For example, a gentleman claims that he is thorough in mathematics or physics; this is self-esteem. But to say that I know better than you, that is ego.
Ego depends on others’ approval, others’ presence. If your existence depends on others’ approval and you are conscious of it, that is your ego. The strength of your own self-worth then depends on the degree of approval you get.
When Does Ego Arise?
When do you feel the presence of the ego?
- When you don’t get attention.
- When you seem to be losing attention.
- And when you do get attention!
Whenever you feel uncomfortable in somebody’s presence or in some situation, know that it is touching your comfort zone, and you have to go beyond that. When you cross that barrier or boundary, you confront your ego. Ego means getting confronted with that boundary. The moment you accept it and move forward, it is okay.
Suppose you don’t want to be called a fool or you don’t want to be known as stupid, but someone says you are stupid, that is when the ego comes up. The ego is connected to craving and aversion. We crave to be seen as being intelligent and are averse to being called stupid. Our mind plays these tricks and feeds the ego.
What Should You Do When Your Ego Gets Hurt?
So someone calls you stupid. Maybe that’s their perception, or you can think, “Maybe I am who knows? Sometimes I could be stupid.” This changes things. Your ego is no longer on the reactive trip – you are on a recognition trip.
So move away from reaction to recognition. This is the only way to handle the ego. So instead of pouncing on the person, just watch what is happening inside you. When someone says something not pleasant, your nervous system is going through an inner disturbance. There is some contraction inside you. Certain chemical and neurological phenomena are happening within you. Observing that and breathing with that, you will see that your nervous system becomes as strong as steel. It doesn’t get reactive to some unpleasant or even pleasant comments.
So somebody thinks something about you. But when you open yourself to the reality, and you see the reality, you will see that people’s thoughts and ideas, opinions, they come and go, and they change so often and so fast. There is no big deal.
What Are the Types of Ego?
Three types of Ego are:
- Sattvic Ego: It keeps expanding and doesn’t hurt others; it becomes a fountain of creativity. If you cannot surrender, at least have a sattvic ego, as a sattvic ego is always ready to sacrifice.
- Rajasic Ego: It only makes you want to show off to others, it gives you short-term joy and long-term misery.
- Tamasic Ego: It is destructive to oneself and others.
Move from Tamasic Ego towards Sattvic Ego, and from Rajasic Ego towards Sattvic Ego. And from Sattvic Ego – in deep meditation – you get Nirvana, an egoless state.
Should you try to get rid of ego?
Want to tame the ego? For God’s sake, don’t tame it. Don’t meddle with it. Don’t do anything with it. If you find you have one, just keep it in the pocket. If you try to tame the ego, then that becomes the biggest ego. What the ego cannot tolerate is being ignored.
Trying to get rid of ego is the biggest problem here. It’s like trying to chase a cat in a dark room where it is not there. Who is chasing? Ego? Myself. You have overcome your ego; that’s a bigger ego.
You want to get rid of ego, tell me? Because you are told the ego is bad? Yes right? But you can just assume ego is good, and you can keep it. In your ego, just include everybody instead of saying ‘I’ say ‘we’ – include everyone – that’s it.
What Is the Antidote To Ego?
The antidote for ego is to be natural. Be simple like a child. When you feel at home and are natural and easy, there is no ego then. The only antidote to ego is being natural – having the feeling of being at home no matter where you are.
How Does Meditation Help Dissolve the Ego?
Meditation connects you with the divine principle, the space that is beyond name and form. And you realize that you are nothing but an ocean. When the wave remembers, I am the ocean; the wave gains the strength of the ocean. The wave doesn’t say, ” Oh, I am dying, I am dying. Wave appears to live. But the wave’s life is very short. It’s less than 30 seconds. But when the wave remembers, I am the ocean, the ocean has no death.
What would help to go into meditation are three things. One is for the next ten minutes, I have to say to myself, I want nothing. Second, for the next ten minutes, I do nothing. The third thing is, I am nothing. I’m nobody. I’m not a lawyer, a doctor, whatever. So I want nothing. I do nothing. I am nothing. These three ideas will help you to calm your mind.
Ego dissolves in meditation. Transcend ego with the enquiry, “Who am I?” When we look at our ego, it dissolves. To be egoless is to be free, being natural and feeling at home everywhere, at all times, with every group. Meditation brings deep rest and brings awareness of who you are. Then there is no room for ego.
The shell that is the ego is covering our essence, that love, just like the seed is covered by a shell. To uncover the ego, we can do practices such as yoga, meditation, breathing practices and Sudarshan Kriya.
Can the Ego Be Useful?
There is also a positive aspect of the ego. It drives one to do some work. Most of the work in society is about boosting the ego. But in Satsang, work is done out of love.
Ego is an impediment for a leader, a wise man, a merchant or a servant, but it is a necessity for a warrior, a competitor. A warrior is one who takes on challenges and commitment and stands by them.
What Is the Deeper Understanding of Ego?
The ego causes heaviness and discomfort. It doesn’t let love flow. Often, your attitude towards someone with a strong ego is one of contempt or jealousy. But rather you should have compassion, or even pity. Because ego makes them uncomfortable.
Ego can be transcended by knowing the Truth; by enquiring “Who am I?” And when you wake up and see, there is nothing to be proved and nothing to possess, the ego dissolves.
