Lifestyle

How to openly communicate in a relationship without hurting the other

An ignorant person says, “Don’t blame me”, “I am hurt because of you”, “Don’t accuse me”, “I didn’t mean to say this” because it hurts him. An enlightened person also says, “Don’t blame me.” Do you know why? Because it might hurt you. You can tell someone not to blame you out of anger or compassion. The choice is yours! The voice is yours too!😊

In other words, it is important to communicate to your partner or friend from the space of compassion and not from annoyance. Respond skillfully and do not react. At the same time, your words or acts should not breed from superficiality.

“Don’t try to build relationships. Be natural. Be simple.” - Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.

Just be yourself. When you try to build a relationship, you tend to become artificial. Then, your communication gets affected. You think you are open to communication but actually, artificiality seeps in and the relationship sours.

Do not try to impress others. They will run away from you. Treat others as you want them to treat you!

I am sure you are looking for some examples where it becomes clear to you how to openly communicate in your relationship without the fear of hurting the other person. Here they are: (A relation includes a couple, spouse, children, parents, boss, colleagues, neighbors, friends, etc.)

Relationships should come from a space of contributing, not demanding.

Then, it will nurture openness in your communication, and the other person will not feel hurt.

Avoid Saying	Sounds Better
“Stop the buzzing alarm! It disturbs my sleep.”	“How can I help you to wake up at your planned time?”
“I had a tiring day at work, why didn’t you cook food?”	“You too must have had a tiring day. Shall we cook together to finish it fast and get to bed early?”
“It is noon but your breakfast is still not finished!”	“Shall we sit together to plan out your next day to avoid wastage?

Avoid Saying	Sounds Better
“Your dadi (granny) is mad at me. You are yelling at me. I am sandwiched between you both.”	“The way you spoke yesterday to your grandmother is disturbing her as well as you. It will be nice to massage her feet tonight and calmly apologize for the past. Then both of you can move on.

The habit of contributing gets inculcated when you have belongingness with others. Many participants of the Happiness Program have shared their experience, “Happiness Program helps you connect more deeply and easily with others so that you can enjoy happier, more confident and stable relationships with old friends and new.”

Understand the sentiments of others.

Introspect if you know what the other person is going through and how they will react to hearing you. Are they presently open for discussion, or do they need some more time? Is it necessary to discuss things with them? Answers to these questions will enable you to modulate your conversation accordingly.

When you have an invite to a party, you want to know if your friend has received an invite or not. It is a dicey situation. If your friend has an invitation, "All izz well!” and if not, “You have invited trouble for all - yourself, your friend, and the party host.” As your friend will suffer from FOMO and your party host will be mad at you.

Your communication should not be policing the other person.

If you doubt others, your essence of communication becomes such that they feel you are nagging all the time. Speak appropriate words that come from the space of achieving one common goal.

Avoid Saying	Sounds Better
“Where are you going? Why have you come so late? With whom you had been?”	“The microwave technician came to fix it but you were unreachable. Next time call him as per your availability.”

There is no room left for doubts when there is trust. To develop faith, mental clarity, and to enhance intuition, join the scientifically proven Sahaj Samadhi Meditation.

Don’t assume and jump to conclusions.

“Assumption and lack of communication are the number one relationship killers.” - Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.

Your daughter is upset when you are assuming she has not locked the front door of the house perfectly. She feels like a dumbo.

Avoid Saying	Sounds Better
“You must not have pulled the lock to check if it locked properly?”	“I am sure you have double-checked the door lock.”
“Don’t you forget to buy groceries on your way back home!”	“It is my observation that when I ask you to bring things after work, you forget to do it. Could I do something to remind you of errands we need to do for the house lest you forget?”

Retaining faith in the capabilities of others brings softness to your tone. The other person feels more responsible towards their work and gives his 💯%.

Communication needs to be productive, not destructive.

Your aim should be to get the work done but not at the cost of the feelings of others. With incomplete and confusing words, your message becomes misinterpreted. It becomes a cause of argument and things mess up.

Mr. A to Mr. B: Msg me the document links.

Mr. B immediately messages the document links which were non-editable.

Mr. A furious at Mr. B: Why did you send this? I can’t edit it? You wasted my time. Share it and send it again.

Mr. A is Mr. Cool today: Unable to edit the document, quickly share it, and send it again.

Politely steer the conversation.

Suppose you are talking to somebody, and they are going on a tangent. Either you have the patience or time to listen to the whole thing they wish to share. Or you skillfully cut it and say what you want to put across to them (preferably that interests them).

Avoid Saying	Sounds Better
“You are talking endlessly. I am not interested in it.”	“Aha, now I know about this; let’s talk about…”

How to skillfully steer a conversation a video by Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar will change the way you communicate.

Do not be rude, rigid, or insensitive.

Do not indulge in name-calling and hurtful words in your conversation. “I am OK (right), you are not OK (right)” or “I know better than you…”- this one-upmanship is harmful in a relationship. Instead, say, “If we fight and don’t talk, please keep all your ego aside and come back to me. I can’t bear losing you.” Let the other feel important. It is OK to lose an argument to gain back the trust of others. “Jaa Simran, jaa. Jee le Apni Zindagi” should be your stance sometimes.

Would you like to know ten steps to improve communication skills, where one piece of advice is to be a little mysterious?

To recapitulate

Human beings have to exhibit their differences. But do not let arguments go out of control. I tell you. People are like the five fingers - all are different. But you are all connected deep inside.

With open and pure communication, your relationships breathe fresh and taste sweet. The best relation is where yesterday’s fight didn’t stop today’s communication. So you lead by being an example. Be the change you wish from others. It is always better to openly communicate than to stonewall your relationship forever. Save your valuable relationship from being irreparable. Remember to do good and good will come to you.

Direct your communication towards, “What can I do for you to bring peace in your life?” and then, the other person shall not be hurt.

“Head-to-head communication is through thoughts and words. Heart-to-heart communication is via feelings. Soul-to-soul communication is silence.” - Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.

FAQ's on Communicate in a Relationship

How do you openly communicate with a relationship?

Understand the sentiments of the other person. Are they presently open for discussion, or do they need more time? Is it an essential discussion? Answers to these questions will enable open communication in a relationship.

How do you communicate in a relationship without fighting?

You can communicate in a relationship without fighting by making your partner feel important, “If we fight and don’t talk, please let us keep our ego aside and come back to me. I can’t bear losing you.”
Choose your words wisely. Communication should be appreciative and productive, not judgmental and destructive.

How do you communicate with poor communication in a relationship?

To communicate with poor communication in a relationship, either have the patience or time to listen to the whole thing they wish to share. Or you skillfully cut it and say what you want to communicate to them (preferably that interests them).

Why do I struggle to communicate with my partner?

The struggle in communication happens when you race to prove your point without understanding your partner's views. It is fine sometimes to lose an argument to gain back the trust of others.

How can I be more open in my relationship?

The best relation is where yesterday’s fight didn’t stop today’s communication. So you lead by being an example. Be the change you wish from others.

How can I have a better conversation with my partner?

To have a better conversation with your partner, converse from the space of trust, not policing them, without assumptions, and not be rude and insensitive.